The idea of surrogacy began more than five years ago when I was pregnant
with George, our youngest child. My sister asked a very random
question, "would you carry a baby for me if, for some reason, I
couldn't?" Without even processing what this meant, I responded, "For
Sure!"
Now this idea really stuck with me. I thought even if my sister didn't
need to borrow my womb, I really love the idea of helping a couple
become a family or a family add more children. I loved being pregnant
and giving birth is the most miraculous part of life. All of the sudden
it started consuming my thoughts. I really did want to do this.
Ben, oh my dear Ben! He's the most incredible and supportive husband.
He was fine with the decision to gather information and think about the
possibility of me becoming a surrogate.
I contacted an a agency in California, where we were living at the
time. I spent several hours discussing and learning about surrogacy.
Of course, I asked hours worth of questions and did research on the
internet. The paperwork took several hours to fill out. I had to leave
paperwork for my OB to fill out, gather my last pap results, etc. I had
an over-the-phone interview as well as an in-person interview. I
discussed in depth with my OB the possibility of surrogacy. I asked her
to discuss with the
fertility clinic
she refers her patients to about risks and so on. I talked with
several pharmacists about the drugs and potential risks. All of the
answers came back fine and something I was ok to proceed with.
I quickly discovered that my one, and non-negotiable, qualification was
that the Intended Parents (IP's) would not abort under any
circumstance. Due to the parents wanting full control of their child,
which is understandable, it would take a long time to find a couple to
be matched with. Our first agency suggested we use two agencies. I
found another agency in the Bay Area and got on board with them as
well. I was well informed that this would take a long time to be
matched, and so I let the waiting begin.
After nearly two years of waiting, we got a phone call that there was a
couple interested in us. Without gaining any more information on this
couple we broke the news to the agency that our intent was to move back
to MN really soon. I figured we'd get on board with an agency right
away when we moved back.
September 2010 we moved back to Minnesota. Ben asked that we not begin
the surrogacy process yet, and even though I really felt that this was
something that I wanted to do, I let it go...
November 2011. I finished up my EMDR
treatment for
my PTSD from Lydia's episodes and Ben's activation to Iraq. I began to
feel my heart telling me again that I really wanted to be a surrogate. I
spoke with the therapist about this and she told me, "That is the most
SELFISH thing you could do to your family." I let the idea of surrogacy
go, again. I thought this time for good!
August 2012. I'm not sure if you believe that people are "called" to do
things in life, or maybe that we are put on the earth to fulfill some
kind of reason for existence. I truly believe that I was created to
have babies. I love, more than anything, to give birth and be "with
child." I went back to my husband again..."It's something I need to
do." The desire of surrogacy started consuming my every thought! Ben
said, "Lets do it! You clearly keep talking and thinking about it.
What are you waiting for?"
Late August 2012- Charity! My first encounter with the agency, IARC,
was with my new friend, Charity. She's been a surrogate four, YES FOUR,
times. Ohhhh, the wisdom and answers to questions that I'd dreamed
of. She totally understood me. No one yet, had understood (I mean
truly felt this desire and not thought I was crazy) that I wanted to
carry a baby (of no biological connection to me) and hand it to it's own
parents. She got me. For the first time I felt a powerful connection
to someone who got it! Thank God for Charity! Eventually, I met Nicole
who is now a surrogate and is such a great support. She's just a few
months ahead of me and I'm sure we'll lean on each other through this
journey.
Let the paperwork and interviews begin. This was the LAST time I'd fill
these papers out and I WILL fulfill this desire! This was a new game
of what Charity calls, "HURRY UP AND WAIT" began. I was ready, why did
this all have to take so much time?
Psych Evaluation. Ben and I both had to fill out a questionnaire and
meet with a psychologist (now, I know you wonder about $...this and
everything is all covered by our IP's. God Bless these people who want a
baby of their own). We passed our eval with flying colors and left
saying, "We're officially not crazy!" We had a wonderful afternoon date
with just ourselves. It was lovely. I have the best husband :)
November 2012 right before Thanksgiving. Our profile, that consists of
all of our information from the hours of paperwork and photos, was given
to a couple to review and see if they'd like to pass their profile on
to us for our review. Hurry up and wait!
December 2012. YES! They wanted to pass along their information to us.
Due to contract confidentiality, I'll call them (Intended Parent) IP-A
and IP-B. I knew the profile was waiting for me in my inbox and
couldn't wait to get home from work to see them. I don't remember
anything other than running to the computer. There they are...the
cutest couple! They had a letter written to us and the dreams and
desires of having a baby of their own. Their whole life's STORY that I
will now enter.
December 2012 right before Christmas. We talked for the first time
over the phone. Keely, who we (my IP's and myself) are working with at
IARC now and throughout the rest of the journey, lead our conversation.
It was a full of very specific details and desires. They couldn't have
been more SPOT ON with everything I wanted. They're local, wanting to
be extremely involved, and there is potential that we can become friends
and have a relationship afterwords. They told me later, they had
answers written down that they wanted to hear and I didn't miss one of
those answers. I didn't think that there could be a PERFECT match, but
this truly is PERFECT.
We needed to let Keely know if this was a good
match
or not. I guess my IP's called soon after and said YES to us. I
wanted to say yes before I got off the phone, but I needed to discuss
with Ben his thoughts...
A day or two days after, I called Keely with a YES! This is them. They were what I had waited for for the last five years.
December 2012 very late...right before new years. I met my IP's for the
first time in person. We talked for four hours. We never had any type
of award silence. They were what I dreamed of. Let the hurry up and
wait begin again...
Jan 2013. My IP's got the contract for review. It is 46 pages full of
monstrous headaches. Imagine telling you the worst things that could
happen page after page after page. It took them, for what felt like,
forever to get the contract into our hands. I had to wait to have it in
our hands to schedule an appointment with an attorney (of our choice).
February 7, 2013. HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY TO ME! I know it might be
strange to think that I would want to schedule the appointment with our
attorney on my birthday, but I couldn't think of a better way to
celebrate. It's a dream that is finally coming true. We met with her
for two full hours, again filled with a ton of depressing information.
She looked at me and said "If everyone had to read this before having a
baby, no one would have a baby!" We did change a few things in the
contract. She would make those changes and send their attorney the
revised version of the contract.
Surprise! My sister, brother-in-law, brother, sister-in-law, parents,
and cousin's threw me a surprise party that night! What a great 30th
Birthday!!!
Two weeks later. We finally got the revisions made by our attorney and
reviewed them to make sure we were happy. Off to their attorney the
contract went.
IP-A was on a trip to Europe for 11 or so days, so the waiting continues.
Mid March 2013. Ben met our IP's for the first time. Again, we sat and
chatted for 4 1/2 hours which felt like 20 minutes. It was the icing on
the cake. It confirms that this is the worlds perfect match! Ben and
IP-A are so much alike and get along really well. IP-B and myself are
so similar, right down to our love for ice-cream!
Today, March 18, 2013. They have review the contract and it's off to
our attorney for final reviews! Hopefully we'll sign our contract soon
and move to the next phase. Medical testing.
