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| April 3, 2014 - Meeting Spencer for the first time |
How, at the same moment, can a year ago feel like yesterday
and like a lifetime ago? It’s strange to
think that I actually gave birth to Spencer.
This year has been more wonderful than I had ever expected. I guess I didn’t know what to expect, but
words can’t express the joy it has been to watch an amazing couple turn into a
perfect family. There is no doubt that
Spencer is well fed and loved! His
crystal blue eyes sparkle and light up any room he enters and he’s so HAPPY
every time we see him. Two of the last
three times we’ve been together he’s been a bit shy around me. I don’t want to scare him so I just allow him
time to warm up to me before I get to snuggle him. Ben, on the other hand, has no problem
picking him up and throwing him in the air and rough housing right away. I’m told he has been sleeping through the night since early on, is super easy going, happy, and a very pleasant baby. IP-B told me that
they would have a hundred babies if they were all this easy. Sorry, friend, I can’t birth that many
children for you!
Our year has been filled with so many wonderful things! We had our court hearing on Friday, May 23rd
to finalize all the legal items for the surrogacy and had an official
adoption. We actually had three
consecutive hearings. Ben was the
“presumed father” because he was (and still is) married to me when Spencer was
born, so he had to terminate his parentage.
I was considered the “birth mother” and I had to terminate my parental
rights. Last, the official adoption
hearing happened so both IP-A and IP-B are on the birth certificate and I’m no
longer on there. It was interesting to
be a part of a court hearing… That was a
first for me! After the hearing we had
lunch and were able to spend some time together and chat. This was an exciting day for all of us!
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| Sylvan Lake |
In August, Ben and I took the kids on a week long camping
(we’re the good ol’ fashion tenting family) adventure to Mt. Rushmore. This was the first time in a long time that
we’ve taken a road trip and boy did we have a wonderful time. I wasn’t expecting it to be as cold as it
was, but regardless we truly enjoyed every second and created a lot of great
memories. My favorite spot was a serene
lake tucked in the mountains called Sylvan Lake. It was one of the most peaceful spots on our
trip, so much so that we actually went back for a second day.
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| Mt. Rushmore |
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| Lydia in Shooter the Short |
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| Lydia and Jack filming a PSA |
Our kids have been keeping us on our toes with activities
and sports. Lydia was asked to be in an
independent short film, Shooter the Short, where she played a victim of a drive
by shooting. It was quite the experience
to act for a filming crew instead of on the local community theatre stage. Speaking of which, we’ve spent the majority
of our last year rehearsing, volunteering, and being on stage for a number of
GREAT shows. Our kids have sure
blossomed into little actors and have become quite talented. Jack and Lydia were even asked to film a
small clip for a public service announcement that will play all over the state
of MN during the month of April. Keep
your eye out for them talking about distracted driving (remember they are just
acting, so when you hear them talking about “missing their daddy,” you are
aware that nothing happened to Ben).
Baseball is the sport of choice for the boys. Ben coached both their teams last summer and
I was the chauffeur. We’re doing our
best to keep a healthy balance of activities and family.
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| George- Baseball |
The change in my job status has been one of the biggest
blessings of my life. I now work for an
office that is more than wonderful, in addition to having the world’s greatest
hours, I have a really cool boss and some of the most wonderful
co-workers. Most of you know that my job
with Dr. Hanschu, Huber, and Shore in California was such an amazing experience
and the best working environment. I
loved working, loved who I worked for, and had simply AMAZING co-workers. I finally have a Minnesota job that lives up to
all of those standards. I finally can say that love my job!
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| Thanksgiving Celebration |
IP-A’s favorite holiday is Thanksgiving so they invited our family
over for a Thanksgiving dinner. We went
down to celebrate with them and I wasn’t really expecting a whole Thanksgiving
feast, but they mastered a whole gluten free and almost all sugar free
meal. It defiantly made up for all of
the months I endured where food and I didn’t get along. It was a wonderful afternoon of conversation
and incredible food. I also taught
Spencer how much fun jumping is. It’s a
good thing for my IP’s arms that his Auntie Liz had a jumping toy that she sent
home with him shortly after he learned his new trick. It was fun to be with them in their home and
see the warm, loving, happy, and accepting environment that Spencer is growing
up in. Spencer is a lucky little
boy!
Because I always talk about food in every blog post this one
shouldn’t be any different, right?! My
taste buds have gone back to normal, well, almost. It took three months after giving birth to be
able to eat sweets again and I still can’t get enough salt. I have turned into a big salty popcorn fan
and I’m still certain that Spencer will be a popcorn lover. I also made a big commitment to our son, who
is sugar free, that I would give up sugar with him for the year. It really hasn’t been as difficult as I
thought it would be, maybe because it’s on my own terms instead of pregnancy
related. I honestly don’t feel any
different or better but it has paid off a thousand times over when I hear
George say, “Mom can’t eat that, either!”
I feel like I’m more supportive when I can eat the same things that he
can. We make a lot of gluten/sugar free
desserts and our new favorite is pumpkin cookies sweetened with honey. I wonder if they would have been too sweet
when I was pregnant…
As a reward for the kids going through our surrogacy journey
we gave them a choice on vacation destinations. Their options were Disney World
for a week or 10 days on Fort Meyers Beach with 35 of the McCann/Waletzko family
members. Much to our surprise, they
picked hanging out on the beach with their cousins, aunts, uncles, and
grandparents. It was relaxing and
reenergizing having quality time with our little family and catching up with
our extended family. Island Towers, the
resort we stayed at, is one of my very favorite places on earth. I’ve spent many Christmases on the beach and
it’s my happy place. My hope is that our
kids feel the same way and want to spend many more Christmases on the white
sandy beach. I love that we’re passing
this family tradition on to the next generation! We even did a 5k on the beach…another family
tradition.
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| Ft. Meyers Beach, FL - Family 5K |
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| 5 weeks postpartum 1/2 marathon |
My plan after giving birth to Spencer was to devote my time
into training for a half iron man. I
thought if I signed up that my sister would do the same because we can never do
anything without one another. She had a
baby three months before I had Spencer so she wouldn’t have the amount of time
necessary to train for the race, but she convinced me that it would be a good
idea to sign up for a full marathon. So
we’re running...a lot! In fact, we are
going for an 18 mile run today to celebrate Spencer’s 1st
birthday. On May 9th I’ll be
able to cross off one of my goals for the year once we’ve completed the full
26.2 mile trek on the Lake Wobegon Trail.
We welcome anyone who wants to come and cheer us on along our way!
Spencer was baptized on February 15th at their
church in the cities. I have never been
to a more energetic, loving, accepting, and fun church service. The choir entered and exited as a marching
band and sang uplifting songs that everyone knows. The congregation was welcoming and the most
real people I’ve ever seen in a church. I
love when I can enter a building and feel energy that’s joyful and everyone is
encouraged to be who they are. Spencer’s
aunt, Serena, and I were asked to be Spencer’s Godmothers. I feel so blessed
and honored to hold a very special title and huge role in Spencer’s life. I was asked after the court hearing if I
would be a Godmother. There weren’t many
tears shed over my surrogacy journey but this made me cry, very happy tears. It was so unexpected and it confirmed that
our friendship will last a lifetime.
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| Spencer with his Godmothers |
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| Cake Face |
Today is Spencer’s 1st birthday! However, we
attended his birthday party last Saturday and he was able to show off his new trick...walking! I’m not sure how many people were actually
there, but it was the biggest birthday party that I’ve been to. I was able to meet some family and friends of
my IPs that I hadn’t yet had the chance to meet. Meeting and chatting with Spencer’s Great-Grandma was a
memorable treat. She couldn’t tell me
enough how well my IPs take care of Spencer and how happy she was to be able to
meet me. These are the moments that
touch my heart beyond anything I had imagined.
I know the joy my Grandma and Grandpa had surrounding their
great-grandchildren and it makes me beam from ear to ear knowing that we were
able to help bring that joy to her life!
I had more people wrap their arms around me and say, “Thank you!” Again, these are things that I didn’t think
about going into this journey. Spencer
is sure surrounded and loved by amazing people!
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| One Year Old |
My good friend, Molly, and I have made a commitment to take
a class at the gym one night a week, more if it works in our schedule, and our
instructor happens to be one of my surrogate friends. It’s not often that you have two surrogates
in one building. It’s great that our
kids get to hang out with her kids and chat about their experiences. The only other time you’ll get surrogates
under one roof is at surrogate socials that our agency puts on. I actually will attend a social in a few
weeks with my sister (Ben would have joined me but he’s volunteering at the
theatre). I love surrounding myself with
women who understand the desire of surrogacy and connecting with all the
wonderful people at IARC.
I recognize that people don’t understand how a surrogate
does emotionally after the birth of the baby.
I guess that’s how we can distinguish who should and shouldn’t be a
surrogate. I knew, without a doubt, that
I would be fine after we all went home and even in the hospital after we went
to separate rooms. The single most
question I get is, “was it hard to give away the baby?” I genuinely have never looked at Spencer as
mine to give away. He has always and
will forever be my IPs child. I’ve
described my connection to him as that of a nephew. That is the same description I would give you
a year later. I love him more than other
kids but different than my own, of course, so it’s best described as the same
love I have for my nieces and nephews.
He will always hold a special place in my heart. Thinking about him makes me smile and there
is no hole in my heart or sense of loss, rather my heart is filled with joy and
there is no doubt that this was one of my life’s callings!
We have been happy to get back to normalcy. And, as connected as we were with my IPs throughout the journey, we’ve naturally
and perfectly separated into our own lives.
We’re forever attached by one very special little man, but I think live
has gone back to normal for us and a “new normal” for my IPs. It was never talked about much on how our
relationship would change. I went from
talking to my IPs multiple times a week, sometimes a day, to multiple times a
month. It has evolved into what I would
call a perfect relationship. It has all
been very natural and I feel so happy, proud, successful, fortunate, strong,
and accomplished from this journey.
After I became a mother I feel like my life has become a series of
choices that I make to lead by example.
I don’t think we could have done a greater service for our children than
this.
Our kids have been forever touched and their lives have been
formed by this journey. They have been
shown that, no matter what people think or how people judge, you should always
live out your dream. Lydia often talks
about how she plans on being a surrogate twice.
We have had conversations at the dinner table about how she tries to
explain surrogacy to her friends, but they just don’t understand how the sperm
and egg make the embryo or how it gets into her mom’s uterus. She makes me giggle and I remind her that she
should have her friends ask their parents about how it works. There is no guessing about reproduction in
our house! On my 9 mile run this week
George was biking beside me and, without any prompt or conversation about
surrogacy, he told me how he plans on his spouse being a surrogate or using a
surrogate if needed. Jack is always
talking about the positive impact surrogacy has on families. Our kids see that true passion is worth
expressing. There is nothing that lights
my fire more than talking about motherhood, surrogacy, and raising a child with
ADHD drug-free. This is my life. These are my loves. I AM HAPPY!
We thought
it might be fun to do a Q&A for our followers
1. What was the best part of your
surrogacy experience?
IPs: There were lots of highlights
of our journey and so many points along the way that made it such a wonderful
experience. Obviously, the birth of Spencer is an experience that none of
us will ever forget. However, being matched with such an amazing
surrogate and her family have made this journey so amazing. We were able
to be part of the entire experience just like any other new parents. We
were all there for the transfer, the doctor visits…to hear the heart beat for
the first time…the ultrasound when he was sucking on his thumb…and of course
the birth.
Josie: Of course
helping my IPs become parents! In
addition, fulfilling my calling and encouraging others to fulfill their
callings.
2. What was the worst part of your
surrogacy experience?
IPs: The worst part of the
experience was watching Josie being so sick during the first trimester due to
the medications and the pregnancy…and not being able to do anything about it.
Josie: The drugs, the
sickness, and knowing I was pregnant but waiting to find out if I was carrying
one or two babies.
3. What was the one thing you were the most
nervous about?
IPs: We were both very nervous
during labor and birth. It’s such an emotional roller coaster…so
exciting…yet nerve racking!! Also, we both were nervous about the
transition after the birth to home life. Were we going to be good
parents? Were we going to know how to do this stuff?
Josie: I was most nervous about how I would feel
when I heard Spencer cry for the first time.
I was mentally prepared but I didn’t know what my natural instinct would
feel like.
4. How were you able to overcome that
fear?
IPs: Well, Spencer showed up…and
Josie said there was a no return policy! So, we didn’t have much time to
dwell on it.
Josie: The moment I
heard him crying brought a sense of relief.
He didn’t sound like my babies…it wasn’t my baby’s cry.
5. What would you change about your
surrogacy experience?
IPs: This is a soft ball
question. Absolutely nothing! With exception, to the worst part of
the experience…if we could eliminate the morning sickness.
Josie: I would have
had Liz, IP-B’s sister, attend the delivery.
6. What advice would you give to
someone looking into surrogacy?
IPs: Our advice would be to
understand that this is a long process. There are lots of ups and
downs…hurry ups and lag points along the way. You have to be patient.
Josie: Be patient, set
boundaries, have good communication with your IPs, and practice the power of
positive thinking.
7. One word to describe surrogacy?
IPs: LOVE
Josie: Passion
8. Did you learn something about
yourself through the surrogacy experience?
IPs: We learned that we were
stronger than we thought we were. It’s a long process and being new
parents is a lot of work and emotionally taxing. We are both very
independent and don’t expect people to do things for us. We learned
that sometimes it’s ok to ask for help.
Josie: Trusting my gut instinct is always a good
idea. I know, without a doubt, that I
was put on this earth to be a mother and a surrogate. There were so many people around me who were
worried, even though they respected my request by not saying anything, but I
knew they had nothing to worry about. I
also learned that putting up good boundaries with my family and friends from
the beginning allowed me to have the experience that I wanted. And the power of positive thinking is quite
amazing!
9. What is something that happened that
you didn't expect?
IPs: There are a few. At one
of the ultrasounds, Dr. Jokadar informed us that the baby had a bubble in his
brain and that it could be a precursor for Down’s Syndrome, but that its
commonly found in babies and it normally goes away. We certainly
didn’t expect to get that news….luckily it did go away. Also, we didn’t
expect all of the questions and lack of understanding of surrogacy. But,
most importantly, we didn’t expect all of the outpouring of support from our
families, friends and complete strangers. Its really been amazing.
Josie: How passionate I became about surrogacy. I’ve become really involved in the surrogate
community and cold hold day long conversations about how amazing surrogacy
is. I would love to share our perfect story
with the whole world! I also didn’t
expect to be welcomed into both my IPs families with open arms and we feel like
an extension of their family. They
are all such wonderful people.
10. Did you have expectations that
weren't met?
IPs: We decided to transfer two
embryo’s during the transfer. Since Dr.
Viro said, “Josephine, you know you’re a sitting duck for twins, right?” we
kinda expected that both embryos would take. Fortunately, that was not
the case.
Josie: I expected that I would pump longer for
Spencer. It was much more difficult and
time consuming than I thought, but I feel content with how much I was able to
produce and donate. I also jumped back into normal
life immediately after leaving the hospital.
I somehow expected that I didn’t need time to allow myself to heal from
giving birth. Not having a baby to tend to made me feel like I should just be back to my normal self right away.
11. Has anything surprised you about being a
new parent?
IPs: It’s hard to imagine that you
could love something so much. It’s really been fun to see all of the
changes in the first year and how fast they grow and change. Also, it’s
quite amazing that people can actually function on no sleep.
12. What advice would you tell new
parents who became parents via surrogacy?
IPs: Enjoy the experience of being a
new parent. Time flies and they grow fast. Treasure every moment!
13. What kind of support have you
had after Spencer's birth?
IPs: The outpouring of support from
family, friends and strangers has been humbling and at times
overwhelming. But we’re not complaining.
Josie: Ben, our kids, my family, my IPs, and my
surrogate support group have been my supporters throughout this entire
journey, and they continue to share in the excitement as the journey has opened to a new chapter.
14. How are you emotionally?
IPs: Excellent! We couldn’t be
happier that we had the opportunity to expand our family and had such a
wonderful journey and outcome!
Josie: I feel no different than I did before being a
surrogate. Truly fulfilling one of my
life’s callings has made me feel like I can conquer any dream that I have!
15. Would you do it again?
IPs: Absolutely… Could an
announcement be forthcoming?
Josie: In a heartbeat! I guess only time will tell…
