Monday, October 20, 2014

6 Months Later

Spencer (6 Months old) with Me
As I was finishing my 9 mile run this morning, I watched a single leaf fall off a tree and float through the air against a very bright blue sky...PEACE had overtaken my whole being.  A few seconds later a whole branch lost all of its leaves and I was able to run through them with a smile whipped across my face.  I felt like I was a child again as I put my arms straight out like I was flying and just soaked it up.  I started thinking about the life cycle of the leaf and how eventually that fallen leaf will decompose and it's purpose on this earth will never end.  Just like our lives, our purpose will never end and will continue to evolve from each dream, goal, or calling that we fulfill, or perhaps, not fulfill.

I have realized that I'm just not normal.  I don't fit into what anyone would call a "societal norm".  I guess when I remember back to the first big shift from societal norm we made was in 2006, I felt like I was a horrible mom for allowing our kids to watch too much TV, so we put it on the curb with a "free" sign on it and never bought a new one because our life is much more pleasant with out it.  I don't watch the news, and haven't since 2004, and I honestly don't know anything about this ebola that everyone seems to be scared of, and I'm glad that I don't have to live with that fear.  We honor those who have made a difference in our life and think of them often.  We try to go the extra mile to let those people know the impact they have had on our life.I advocate for our children and other's children (even though they don't know it) at our school.  It's a lot harder to raise kids without giving them technology to keep them occupied and quiet, but we've made it a family mission and so far we're successful.  There is a time and place for it, and we'll NEVER EVER judge anyone for how they raise their family.  What works for us might not work for you and what works for you might not work for us, and we are respectful of you and hope to have the same respect in return.  I hope to be passing on meaningful purpose to our kids that has come down from previous generations in our family.  My hope is that our kids learn from the example shown and pass that on to future generations.  I feel so lucky that I was lead by this same example.  I'm honestly happy being me! 

Lydia was able to meet her LIFE SAVERS 10 years later!
This was a great honor to host and meet these people who have forever changed our life.

Fulfilling my calling has given me a much deeper meaning of self.  I'm so proud and empowered from what I have done, however, sometimes it feels like it was all just a dream.  I look back now and its really hard to believe that I actually carried Spencer, he's alive, and he's happy at home with his parents.  It really is a surreal feeling.  I'm not sure that the surrealness (if that's a word) of it will ever change.  I was able to see Spencer and his parents a month ago and that's truly my only feeling...SURREAL!  We did a mini photo shoot.  He is so darn cute!!!

6 Month Photo Shoot...YES, he's this happy all of the time
I know the main thing that people are dying to hear is how are my emotions AND if I would do it again...

Well, other than feeling like I just woke up from this amazing dream, I feel just like me!  There is a emotional connection but as we slowly drifted back into our normal lives I now stand a little taller, feel a little prouder, I'm a better wife, mother, daughter, and sister.  I know the feeling of successfully fulfilling a deep calling and how I want to fulfill more dreams and desires.  It makes me excited to see what life has in store for our family and how I can be the most supportive wife to my husband.  I will be able to stand by his side and be his cheerleader just like he did for me.

YES, I'd be a surrogate in a heartbeat!  I could see myself doing this four times, however, I'm not certain that it would be the best thing on my body...remember the leading by example?!  Maybe just once more...only time will tell ;) 

It sounds like we have a "ghost writer" for our book.  We found someone that knows the intricate details about surrogacy and has the ability to write so you can see the twinkle in our eye.  He is the biggest surrogate advocate that I know and will be a pleasure to work with.  I don't think we'll have a hard time selling this book.  I actually just spoke with two women from a local radio station that would love to follow a second surrogacy from start to finish with me. Of course my husband and IPs would have to agree, but it would be fun to be the "voice" of surrogacy.  It would allow people to hear a positive side through the whole journey.  Again, only time will tell.  It would be fun and a great resource to get our book off in the right direction.

I would love to invite those of you who still don't understand any of this to please ask questions.  I would be happy to answer anything you'd like to know!  It's better to ask the questions and get real answers so you can fully understand rather than passing judgmental feelings.  Peace, my friends, this was an amazing journey!