Spencer's Golden Birthday

Can you believe it's been three years since I gave birth to sweet little Spencer?!  It feels like a lifetime ago.  It's a beautiful memory and such a proud moment of my life, but I still kind of feel like it was just a beautiful dream.  I realized after posting a video about Chloe's birth that a video seems to touch more people, so my birthday blog post is really just a movie from over the last few years.  It seems like the people are still interested in how a surrogate feels emotionally with the baby(ies) she has carried.  Here is a glimpse at what the last three years have been like...

6 Month Update

It's hard to believe that six months have passed since giving birth to Miss Chloe, but at the same time I feel like the last year was a figment of my imagination.  It's so surreal that surrogacy actually happened and that part of my life has come to an end.  Surrogacy defined me for half of a decade.  It is my passion, and it will continue to be a passion as I find a new role in it at some point in my life.  I knew that I needed to have huge goal set to accomplish before having Chloe so my mind could focus on 'what's next' instead of wanting to get pregnant with someone else's baby again.  It's a constant internal conversation convincing myself that I really need to move onto something different. It's something I could do over and over again - notice that I didn't say 'we'.  I'm so lucky I have the most supportive husband in the world!  As much as he respects and supports me, I do the same for him.  Therefore, I knew I needed something in the near future that was attainable, joyful, something we could do together, and something to get my body back into shape so I could really get over wanting to give birth again. 

Training for my next marathon (and Ben's half marathon) kept my mind on the straight and narrow.  I focused on making my body my own again and the transformation has been motivating.  And who wouldn't want to run a marathon along the California coast?!  For some sick reason, I love pushing my body to the limit to see what it can endure.  I'm sure the future will hold somemore unbelievable things.  I really tried to listen to the six week postpartum running restriction, but after five weeks and three days I felt like I needed to get back out on the road.  I couldn't wait any longer, and my uterus didn't feel like it was going to fall out, so I went for it and it felt AMAZING!

Our son, George (who turned 9 just a week ago), discovered he is a gifted runner last summer.  The kid is a machine!  It has been fun to watch his ability unfold over the last six months, and he's in his glory with a stellar physique that he loves to show off.  It's not every day you see a kid with an eight pack.  He took 1st place overall (including adults and high school cross-country runners) in 5k's a few times over the summer.  He also was in The Healthy Kids Running Series with his siblings and cousins this fall.  The series consisted of five consecutive Sunday afternoon races for kids in preschool-middle school.  The kids were broken up into their respective age groups and their distances were according to their age.  George's age group was supposed to run .5 miles.  I knew running half of a mile would be a joke to George and he would probably leave feeling like he was running with babies, so I bumped him in in age groups so he could run with the bigger kids.  Their distance was just 1 mile (the longest of all the races in this series).  George crushed every single race, but his brother and sister weren't too far behind.  It was at these races that George decided that he wanted to be the fastest kid under the age of 10 to run a half marathon.  The problem is, he's too fast for me to run with. 

"So help me God, I'm going to work my ass off so I can keep up with my 8 year old" became my mantra over the last five months (remember, I couldn't run for the first 5 weeks and 3 days after giving birth).  Easing back into running after giving birth wasn't really on my mine; though I did listen to my body.  I jumped in full force and I've never been a faster runner in my entire life!  Having George run beside me, and being my training buddy, has changed me.  He's pushed me to limits I didn't know I had.  My 8 year old inspires me!  He is incredible!  Over the course of the fall and into the winter he has trained so much for his half marathon that he ran a half marathon (training run) with my sister and me on Thanksgiving day.  Two weeks later he ran a 15 mile training run - finishing two miles ahead of us.  The kid is unstoppable!  

January 1, 2017, marked George's first half marathon race.  A few days prior to the race we looked at the weather and realized that it was going to be decent outside (22ish degrees), and George was begging to run in a race while he was still 8 years old, so we signed him up.  Even though my body was in shape to run the distance with him, I knew I still couldn't keep up with him yet.  Ben was really sick and couldn't run, my brother was in Florida, so I decided that I would bike the course and support George as he needed along the way.  I don't know who was more tired at the end of the race.  I would bike ahead of George as fast as I could, get his supplies out of my backpack, cheer at the top of my lungs while jumping up and down, take pictures when I could, text our family, jump back on my bike, and repeat this process over the course of 13.1 miles.  The moment he crossed the finish line I was overwhelmed with feelings that I can't put into words.  It was one of the most proud moments of my entire life!  Anyone who knows our family understands the magnitude of this accomplishment.  George, our George, deserves this.  We deserve this.  Looking back on all the years of struggles, this kid found his passion, his love for running, something he excels at, and he deserves it!  This Mama is bursting with pride!  Yes, I am concerned about his body and I do think about his future, but I also know he needs an out.  My role is finding a healthy balance between running and allowing him to escape life's challenges.  He's going to prove to this world that anything is possible!          

Here is a link to the video I made for him:
https://youtu.be/lzGoRzCSs8M

I love him!!  Morning walk along the beach.

Packet Pickup

We are ever so grateful that Ben's parents came to watch our kids for a long weekend while Ben and I flew out to Huntington Beach, California on February 3rd for our Marathon/Half Marathon weekend.  As soon as we got our rental car we bee lined it to the nearest In-N-Out Burger.  There are only a few things that I eat that are more satisfying than In-N-Out, so when I realized just four hours prior to consuming one of my favorite meals that's all I could think about the ENTIRE plane ride.  It was so delicious!
The following morning we had a peaceful walk along the beach, hand in hand with the sand between our toes, while the waves sang us a harmonious song as they crashed along the shore.  I decided at that moment that it would be the perfect way to start and end each day of my whole life!  There is something about the ocean that calms my whole being.  It's my happy place!  We were lucky to have sun that day, although it was cool, the sunshine felt wonderful.  I'm pretty sure I closed my eyes and held out my arms a dozen times throughout the day as I said, "Ahh, I'll take all the vitamin D I can get!" 
Three of my co-workers from Sacramento took a 14+ hour roundtrip road trip to come and see me/run with me for part of the marathon.  We spent several hours the second day with them.  It had been over five years since we'd seen each other, so catching up with them was a real treat.  They're all such great people and inspire me in so many different ways.  There have been many life changes for all of us over the last five years - relationship changes, moves, cancer, babies, etc., but one thing that hasn't changed is we all get along extremely well and love to laugh together.  It didn't feel like that much time had passed since the last time I saw them.  I have less than two handful of friends in my life that I can just pick up where we left off and it doesn't matter how long it's been - One from high school, a few from California, and a handful from the St. Cloud area.  These are true friendships that I cherish.
That same evening we had an early dinner with my brother, sister, brother-in-law, nieces, and my brother-in-law's parents and aunt.  It is always a delight to my sister's in-laws.  I love how we have a mutual desire to know one another because we are connected by a pretty amazing family - which makes us family.  They love my sister like their own daughter.  They're such incredible people!               
Marathon morning wasn't as smooth sailing as I wished.  The road we were going to drive on was closed for the race so we took a detour.  When we were just a mile from the race start, I thought I forgot to bring my prescription sunglasses with me from the hotel and felt super panicked until I realized that Ben carried them to the car for me.  Parking wasn't as easy as Ben had thought.  Megan and I jumped out of the car, as parking attendants yelled at us, so we could get to the bag drop, pee, and get to the start of the race in time.  We literally had three minutes to spare by the time we found our 4:15 pacer.  Anyway, it was a bit more stressful that I would have liked it to be, but all was well - for me anyway. 
Megan got sick a couple days before the marathon.  She was battling a fever and malaise.  We had a great cheering section around mile 8 with Andrew, my nieces, and Andrew's parents.  That kept up Megan's spirits for a while and was a nice boost of energy for me.  She felt pretty good until her Dayquil wore off around mile 12 or so.  We had more cheering around mile 12 and 14, and I even saw Ben a couple times as he was running his half marathon (which started 1 hour and 15 minutes after us).  She started to feel extremely terrible around mile 15ish.  She had told me several times to 'just go' because she wasn't able to run as fast as normal.  Thankfully, at mile 16 my friends were there to cheer for us and Christina joined us.  We were in need of fresh legs and her positive uplifting energy.  Christina joined us along the most beautiful portion of the marathon.  We were right along the coast and could watch the surfers as we ran.  We even ran across a group of people frying bacon and handing bacon and beer out to the runners.  Oh my God, the bacon was AMAZING!!!  They were along an out-and-back, so I hit up the bacon stop two times!  This was an extremely difficult portion for my sick sister.  She probably told me a dozen times to 'just go', but that's not what we're about.  I wanted to stay with her and finish together.  She later told me that if I wasn't with her she would have dropped out at mile 20 when we saw her family again, but she was happy she finished the race.  That's what best friends do for one another.  She did that for me during our first marathon. 
Our brother finished his marathon ahead of us, ran back to meet us, and finished the race with us.  He's training for a crazy seven day ultra in Hawaii this May, so he was able to get in 30 miles that day.  He's been an inspiration to so many people!
After the marathon, Ben, Megan, Shawn, and I went to In-N-Out.  Burgers and fries are the my favorite meal after a race.  After that, we went back to the hotel to shower up and rest for a little while, and then I met my friends at the coffee shop for a little bit before they went back to Sacramento.  It was also super bowl that day, so we finished up the day by having a party in the Shedlock's room with pizza.  It was an amazing whirlwind trip that I would do all over again (except my sick sister part).  I also hit my marathon PR by about 45 minutes.   

Mile 8

Lindsey, Me, Alexis, Christina

Siblings

I had no idea people run for the medal. 
I don't care much about it but apparently a lot of people do. 
It's a nice piece of bling that made me get my bag searched at the airport.

I have two more marathons booked.  Anyone want to join us for Wobegon or Twin Cities?  Ben has a half marathon that he's singed up for each month until October that you're welcome to run, too.  But if you want to run with him in October you better sing up for the Twin Cities Marathon, because Ben is running his first full!  I'm probably the proudest wife ever!!!!    

Other life events, other than running, that have happened in the last six month:

Three weeks after I had Chloe, I hung up my scrubs for a while, took a leap of faith, and gave a shot at marketing for a local orthodontist.  I figured I should try something completely different after 10 years of dental hygiene.  I wanted to see if there was something out there that I was drawn to outside of the dental office.  And different it was.  I realized quickly that I was taken out of my comfort zone, this introvert had to somehow engage with prospective patients out in the community.  I decided that I was going to give my all and work harder than I ever have and I would be very successful.  I was successful.  I worked hard.  I worked more in those five months than I have in a very long time.  It was a blast going to work, and I learned more than I ever would have imagined.  I found an office that I could have worked at forever if nights and weekends weren't involved.  I was drawn to the upbeat and contagious energy that was created, and I loved that they were willing to try any idea, at least once, to see if it might be effective.  Ultimately, I left on good terms.  I've been conditioned over the years that nights and weekend work isn't conducive to our family lifestyle, but I was grateful for the opportunity to try something different.  I jumped back into my scrubs and have been doing temporary dental hygiene for local dental offices.  I gained a new sense of appreciation for the dental world.  Who wants to work nights, weekends, holidays, or Fridays?!  NOT ME! 

We took the kids to Disney World and Universal Studios for a fun filled 10 day trip.  We went to Universal Studios parks for four days and Disney World for three days.  Harry Potter world was one of our highlights.  We have enjoyed that book series together and it was amazing to walk down the street and feel like you were actually in Diagon Alley.  We took the Hogwarts Express to Hogsmeade, where Lydia and Jack were able to try butterbeer.  Ben and George were in love with all of the rides, Lydia was into most of the rides, and Jack and I were happy watching the rides.  We had mixed reviews of people's favorite parks, but everyone had an amazing time.  My parents were able to join us one day at Epcot.  It was so fun to watch my mom find her inner child.  She loves all the rides as much as Ben and George.  I was able to catch 40 minutes of quality one on one time with my dad while everyone else went on a ride we didn't care for.  I treasure one on one time!  We had a bit of serendipity on our trip.  My aunt, Barbara, was actually in Orlando the same time we were.  We were able to spend time with her and my parents one afternoon at our hotel.  It sure was a magical adventure! 

I've spent a fair amount of time at the state capitol over the last several months.  There was a surrogacy commission that met at the capitol during the summer and into the fall.  I sat in on some of the meetings and recently attended the RESOLVE surrogacy advocacy day.  It's appalling to listen to the surrogacy opponents.  People seem to stick their noses into other people's business that has nothing to do with themselves.  After one of the meetings in the hallway, I offered four of the women in the commission to watch the birth video that 2277 people have viewed on the blog.  I literally invited them into my birth room to see the emotions of a real surrogate and THEY TURNED ME DOWN.  These are the people that are supposed to make suggestions on legislation for surrogacy.  SHAME ON YOU SURROGACY COMMISSION LADIES IN THE HALLWAY!!!  I don't think that there are 2277 people that will look at surrogacy as anything other than incredibly beautiful after watching that video.  It's pure joy they could have witnessed to help make an educated decision on behalf of our state.  If you're not into politics, you should find something your passionate about and start watching the few people that are making local decisions about things that matter.  Get involved!  Know your representatives.  You see them in public.  You see them at your kid's schools.  Make sure they know you by name. 

November 8, 2016 was a devastating day.  I stayed up the entire night watching, believing, encouraging strangers to keep up the hope that Hilary would win.  I cried.  I cried a lot.  I didn't know how I was going to break the news to our children the next morning.  I bought our daughter a very special shirt to wear the next day knowing we would have our first Madam President.  Our kids attend a school with a high population of immigrant families.  We love the diversity, and know that we actually have more in common than not.  I knew they would come home the next day with concerns about their friends.  They have every right to be concerned.  I'm concerned, too.  I watched teachers consoling children who are now living in fear.  Children that shouldn't have a care in the world.  It's a heavy time.  I'll never understand why people would think this was a good idea.  Party lines aside, he is a terrible choice!  I actually was never really interested in politics until Hilary was running.  I'll never forget sitting in my 10th grade history class and listening to the words, "Only rich white men will ever be president." (Please note: I really liked this teacher.  I was offended by this comment, but he was one of my favorite teachers in high school)  I was beyond proud when Obama was elected, and I believe in my lifetime I will see our first, of many, Madam President!  I will then touch base with my 10th grade teacher and tell him, "I didn't believe you.  You see, I'm a product of a feminist and I'm thankful she taught me better!"  #imstillwithher

The swimming life of a 7th grader is as much fun to watch as it was to partake.  It's much louder than I remember though.  Lydia enjoyed her swimming season this fall and plans on doing it again next year.  I LOVED being on deck and timing the home meets.  It made me feel like I was a part of the excitement while I was on deck with the kids.  She improved so much over the season, but had no interest in off season training.  She joined gymnastics and found her love for that, too.  She even made the largest purchase of her life when she bought a bar.  Her joyful spirit and bright smile are contagious.  She is the happiest young lady!  I hope this continues through the teenage years. 

Theater life has continued for our family.  Jack was in The Best Christmas Pageant Ever during the holiday season, and all three kids are currently in A Trip to Nerdville.  Theater is so much fun!  I think that theater gives kids the best lifelong lessons.  Auditioning is so much scarier than a job interview.  Being turned down from a show teaches how to cope with disappointment.  Being surrounded by theater people teaches openness and acceptance for everyone.  Singing, dancing, and speaking on stage boosts confidence.  Simply learning how to publicly speak is a skillset that everyone should have.  I just love that the kids love theater. 

"Do you still see the surrogate babies you had?"  This is one of the most common questions I receive post surrogacy.  Yes, we do and we love their family!  We are so lucky that we don't live too far from my IPs.  They had a busy fall and winter getting their house sold and buying a new one, so we didn't see them as much as I would have hoped during that time.  But the reality is, we are all so buys with our own lives.  I look at all the things we have done over the last six months and wonder when we had time to eat and sleep.  Life is busy, but we have made our best efforts to get together several times over the last six months.  And recently we've been getting the sweetest phone calls from Spencer.  He asks to call Lydia and JoJo, so we take the three seconds that his attention lasts and chat.  Lydia is the baby/little kid whisperer.  All the kids love Lydia!  Chloe is rolling and I saw a picture of her sitting up playing with Spencer.  We also just booked a double date with my IPs to go and see Wicked in April.  I'm super excited! 

Whenever you visit JoJo be ready for a photo  :) 5 Weeks

5 Weeks

4 Months

4 months

2.5 years and 4 months

5 months

2.75 years and 6 months

Life continues to be a joyous journey.  You're in the drivers seat for your own journey, so buckle up and decide how you're going to ride! 
   

      

                      I love the comparison photos...

Labor Day



Fully Trained for Marathon.  Last Training Run Finished
You can transform like this if you give up sugar and run 500 miles in less than 6 months!  DO IT!

Drumroll, Please

It's the post you've all been waiting for... 

I've redone this video four different times and contemplated over and over how comfortable I am about posting it.  I've tried really hard to keep my IPs information confidential and did my best at keeping them out of this video.  You miss out on so much of our emotions and feelings when half of the photos (and my favorite ones) are removed, and the video is cut into pieces so my lady bits aren't visible to everyone. You'll have to wait to see the entire movie when Ellen decides she wants to meet us - maybe only in my dreams!  Please note: you will see the baby's head out and the final moments of her birth (do not watch if that makes you uncomfortable).  When I watch this I feel proud, inspired, overjoyed, amazed, impressed, and tear up EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.  Surrogacy is beyond beautiful!  Grab a tissue and enjoy Brianna's incredible photos and Ben's videographer skills as Jim Brickman's piano accompanies Chloe's birth.

 

        

The Lasting Affects of Jacob's Abduction on a Stranger

I couldn't add this part into my previous 'The Days That Followed' blog post because I'm still in shock, I'm numb, and I'm in disbelief.  We've known that for almost 27 years someone knew something and we've all hoped and prayed we'd have an answer in our lifetime.

I'm angry that in some of the happiest of my days that Jacob's story was unfolded before our eyes and the devastating, gruesome, and dark truth came out.  I actually can't bring myself to read the confession.  Jacob's abduction has haunted my community for nearly 27 years.  I will not let this man, who's name I will never mention because the man deserves no recognition, rob me of more joy in my life!  He took too much from us and I won't allow him to ruin the joy I feel from Chloe's birth just a few weeks ago.  I think this is still why I'm numb. 

I was just a six year old little girl with blonde pigtails running carefree in the neighboring town when Jacob was abducted.  I was free and encouraged to bike or walk to school on beautiful fall and spring days with my older brothers.  I felt safe and had no fear in those six short years.  That all changed the moment my six year old ears learned that an 11 year old boy, who lived less than ten minutes from me, was abducted by a masked gunman while he was riding his bike with his brother and his friend.  I unknowingly welcomed anxiety into my life.  Fear that took years to control!  I was still encouraged to bike to school, but I couldn't bike, walk, run, or rollerblade anywhere without my heart pounding so hard that it felt like it might jump out of my chest.  I'm sure I looked like I was in a race when I was biking down county road 54.  The peddles on my light blue sparkly bike with little colorful plastic flowers that hugged the spokes of my wheels turned so fast that my little legs felt the effect of the lactic acid soon after I started on my one mile trek.  I would peak fearfully behind me for cars every few seconds.  God, I don't want to see a car!  Please don't let there be a car anywhere in sight.  The worst was when I spotted a car parked at the public beach.  I thought I might throw up ever time I biked by a lone car parked at that beach.  I biked into the small town of Avon nearly every single day during all my childhood years for summer rec, swimming lessons, allergy shots, and countless other activities.  EVERY SINGLE DAY I had the same fear.  I was terrified to bike into town.  I still did it, but that man robbed me of being that carefree little girl who was just biking as a mode of transportation to her activities. 
 
I remember wearing a button on my backpack for Jacob for many years and seeing his face plastered all over town and even on milk cartons. Patty Wetterling became a very familiar face as I watched her family in the media over the years.  From that point on, until this week, every time there was a person missing my immediate thought always became Jacob and the Wetterlings.  I shared Jacob's story with our kids from a young age.  When I heard our kids start talking about creepy cars while we're out running is when I realized the lasting affects that Jacob's abduction has had on that six year old little girl.  Again, unknowingly, I instilled fear into our children.  It's something I can't take back and so desperately want to.  It took many years and a couple therapists to figure out how to go for a run without being scared of creepy cars or people I cross along my path.  By years, I mean, I was well into my late twenties.  That man did this to so many of my childhood friends.  I'm sure we all have different ways we have coped with the stress and anxiety, but my whole little town was affected in some way, shape, or form. 

I've struggled with trichotillomania, a hair pulling disorder, for years and I have traced it back to the abduction of Jacob Wetterling.  You may find it unbelievable, but I had a conversation about this with my IPs while I was in labor and walking the halls of the Hudson Hospital on August 18th.  I told them about my trichotillomania and how it became my stress relief that started after Jacob was abducted, and I wish so badly that I could rid myself of this disorder.  Every year my husband and I write down our goals, and every year I have one goal that I can't seem to accomplish: quit pulling my eyelashes.  It's the one I just can't seem to cross off my list!  I remember being in sixth grade and having my school photo come home and my mom wondering why all of my eyelashes were missing.  I did it when I went to bed at night.  I didn't know I was doing it and I didn't know I would still be struggling with it at the age of 33.  Damn that man - that evil man that took so much from us!

Somehow our tiny little towns were hit hard with sexual abuse of young boys when I was growing up.  Not only that evil man, but some sick Catholic priests preyed on these young boys instead of praying for them.  I learned when I was 30 that my friend who committed suicide when we were in 7th grade was a victim of abuse.  The one I wrote about near the beginning of my blog, the one I heard the gunshot that took his life.  Oddly enough, my friend grew up in St. Joe.  The tiny little town Jacob was abducted from.  I'm guessing that his older brothers would have been around Jacob's age.  These are the tragedies we all had to deal with, and I just can't imagine how those boys that were victims and their lasting affects.  My heart goes out to them!  

And yet, somehow, we all pressed forward and all held onto hope and see this world as a beautiful place.  If you ask me about my childhood, I would tell you how amazing it was.  That has to do with my home life and my wonderful parents.  I truly did have the ideal childhood among the awful things I've experience.  These events made me who I am today.  I read 'The Power of Positive Thinking' many years ago and it shaped me into a whole new believer.  A believer in the powers of energy that connects us to everything.  I have a peace that surrounds my entire being.  I've gone from teaching our kids to fear others to teaching them to believe that the world is full of wonderful people.  Yes, we need to teach them safety (I'm a safety MOMster) and The Jacob Wetterling Resource Foundation has it all right.  I listened to them speak recently when we had a sex offender move into or neighborhood.  I took all the information I learned and shared the majority of it with our children.  "Stranger Danger" is a thing of the past.  They are full of great information and wonderful presenters!  You should become familiar with them. 

I'm sure my numbness about the answers we learned this week will wear off at some point.  My love goes out to Jacob's family, friends, our community, and state.  For now, I'm going to still feel all the endorphins from the miraculous birth of my second surrogate baby.  That man can't take that away from me!                         

The Days That Followed

Spencer Kisses to Chloe
THIS PHOTO BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY!

I asked the nurses to keep me on top of my Tylenol and Ibuprofen throughout the night and stay at the hospital.  I had minimal cramping - my worst pain rating was at a 3.  I didn't have any vaginal pain at all.  The nurse who shined the flashlight on my vag as Liz was checking for any tares after I delivered the placenta the day before said, "It doesn't even look like you just had a baby!"  It didn't feel like I just pushed out a baby!  My only discomfort was the contracting of the uterus.  I learned with George's delivery that the more babies you have the more pain you have post delivery when the uterus contracts back down - I can attest to that!  I had rough first night of sleep, not only because I was up and down and up again to pump, but there was a terrible storm outside and sometime around 1:00 the tornado siren sounded.  I was in such a deep state of sleep that when I partially woke up I couldn't figure out if it was the first Wednesday of the month and why was the test lasting so long. It took me a while to gain whole consciousness, and when I really woke up I called the nurse to see if we needed to move to a different place in the hospital for safety.  She assured me that we were fine where we were at but because I was awake she would check my vitals.  I asked that sweet nurse if my IPs were getting sleep and how Chloe was doing.  She said Chloe was doing amazing and had been in the nursery all night and everyone was fighting over who got to snuggle her.  I'm on the same page as my IPs, get sleep while you can!       
Pumping is a choice a surrogate has weather she would like to invest her time and energy into or not.  With my history of a breast reduction 15 years ago I don't produce a lot of milk, but I have given my best effort with all my other deliveries and the lactation consultant told me years ago that the farther out from the surgery you get the better chance you have to produce milk.  My boobs got extremely huge with Chloe's pregnancy, so I figured I may actually have a chance producing milk this time.  I seemed to be having some success at the hospital.  I was using shields that were too small and rubbed part of my areola raw - that was painful!  Friday morning Erika, the lactation consultant, stopped my room and helped me out.  I love how comfortable she is with people.  She just started touching my breasts to see how things were feeling.  I actually laughed to myself when she did this.  She has such a fun and spunky personality and seems to be perfect for her job.  She got me nipple cream, which is absolutely necessary, and fit me with new shields.  She gave me a bunch of helpful tips and recommended that I start fenugreek as soon as possible.  Not only did she help me an incredible amount, but she has continued to follow up with me at home.  I've never had anyone give me a call after having a baby to follow up with my pumping.  She's like having a cheerleader on the sideline, who clearly has passion for her job, and makes me feel like I can continue this process.  I'm not sure how long I'll commit to pumping but so far I'm sticking with it.  I should have kept track of how much I've given Chloe but I haven't.  Something is better than nothing!

Friday morning, August 19th, after I ate breakfast I snuck over to visit my IPs, Chloe, and family members that were already there visiting.  It was a busy day full of visitors and I enjoyed seeing everyone meet their newest addition to the family.  I'm very much a words of affirmation person, so my bucket was overflowing with all the gratitude and appreciation people spoke of.  Liz came mid-morning to do her rounds at the hospital and spent a long while visiting with me and processing the birth.  It's amazing how everyone witnessing the birth had their tears flow amidst the actual event.  I was able to allow my tears to flow in a very safe environment while recapping the miraculous birth when Liz came to check on me.  The hormonal tears need to flow at some point and Liz seemed to be the person who they flowed freely with.  My soul felt so complete after the birth, but the bittersweet feeling of having successfully accomplished another HUGE goal and it being over is hard to grasp.  I spent the rest of the day in and out of my IPs room visiting and then heading back to my room to rest.  I was able watch the nurse give Chloe her first bath.  Spencer was there most of the day and he was hilarious to watch.  He's a busy little body full of so much love and affection.  Chloe is a lucky little girl to have such wonderful parents and a sweet older brother.  Ben brought the kids that evening for a quick visit.  Embracing my husband's hug after giving birth is one of my favorite things and I never want to let go of him.  It's so nice to be able to touch him without another human between us.  After catching up on their days we went over so they could hold Chloe.  They also helped me move to a new room right across the hall that evening.  It was a quick visit and it made me excited to head home the next day!

I slept so much better that night but I was still up several times to pump.  When I woke up in the morning I started to think about this journey coming to a close and all the people I was thankful for. 

Here is what I wrote as I sobbed a bittersweet 'ugly cry' alone in my room:

As I prepare to leave the hospital today, I have overwhelming emotions of wrapping up two perfect surrogacy journeys. I've watched a beautiful couple become an amazing family, and I can't put into words the joy I feel deep in my soul when I look at these four incredible people! My heart is full!

 I'm not sure that there could be a better man on this planet other than my husband! Ben is one of a kind and he deserves just as much credit as I do for helping create this family. I'll forever be in awe of his patience, love, and support. I long to be as supportive of others as he is to me. He dove into the unknown with me and let me fulfill my calling. I love him more than words can express! 

 Our children, family, and friends, I'm beyond grateful for your unbelievable amount of support. I know the idea of surrogacy made many of you worry about my overall wellbeing, and I'm thankful you allowed me to trust my instinct on this one. I knew my whole self would be better when this chapter of my life closed, and it is! I'm thankful for your thoughts and prayers, but mostly the silence of your own fears and only positive words to me. Sometimes silence is an important part of support. I'm lucky to have you in my life! I love you all!

 To my IPs family, I never really thought about you as I dreamed this perfect surrogacy story in my head. You have become my HUGE bonus in my life's story. I'm shocked at how many lives this has touched. Never in a million years did I ever anticipate feeling like I have a larger extended family. You are them and I'm thankful to be a part of it. These two kids I helped bring into the world are so lucky to be a part of your families. You are amazing people!

Liz, I don't know where to begin? You are an amazing woman! I'm so grateful you could be my healthcare provider, baby's auntie, and become a great friend! Somehow you balanced all of these things and I could see the distinct differences in each role you were in at the time I was with you. You make our world a better place, and you definitely are the perfect midwife! 

IP-A, IP-B, Spencer, and Chloe, I'll always hold you in a very special place in my heart! I know the pregnancy part of this surrogacy story is over, but the story has just begun. I'm so thankful to be able to be a part of your lives and look forward to watching your family grow up! There couldn't have been a better match out there. I'm so happy you were the family that I got to share my calling with. My soul is full! I love all of you!

When I gave birth to Spencer I felt like I had to prove to everyone how strong I was and that crying wasn't an option.  I didn't want anyone to worry about me because I knew there was nothing to worry about.  Crying is a natural part of childbirth and the hormonal fluctuation afterwards, and this time I allowed myself to feel those emotions and it is good!  And lets be honest, I'm a person who cries while I'm not pregnant just writing a thank you card because it's so genuine and full of my appreciation.  A little crying is healthy, in my case, and this time I just allowed myself freedom to cry, not because I'm sad but because I'm so full of joy!  I'm not ashamed that I can have a smile beaming across my face from ear to ear and tears flowing down like a waterfall.  My mom told me years ago that eventually I won't be so sensitive and cry as easily.  Who know?  I cry when I'm happy and I cry when I'm sad.  I guess only time will tell.

After getting all showered and cleaned up on Saturday morning, I enjoyed a long snuggle with Chloe while we waited for our breakfast to arrive.  We all ate breakfast together in my IPs room.  Chloe was given a good bill of health by the pediatrician and was ready to be discharged from the hospital pretty early in the morning.  IP-A ran to go get Spencer from the hotel he was staying at with his Grandpa.  I knew Liz wasn't going to be there to discharge me until mid-morning.  I was pretty sure that I cried all my tears out earlier in the morning when I was writing down my thoughts, but when Liz came to chat with me for the final time the flood gates opened one last time.  I'm forever grateful that she was able to be there for me as I processed my last surrogacy journey.  I'm sure she is used to women coming to terms with their final pregnancy and childbirth because she knew exactly what to say.  I've had to convince myself for the last forty weeks that this was it, and that's not easy when the last four years my identity has been that of a surrogate.  It's my passion and I've loved every part of it - the good, the bad, and the ugly!  It's hard to grasp the reality of this part of my life coming to a close.  It has been perfect!  And perfect it must remain as I still convince myself this is it!  I completely understand the crazy women who continue to do this over and over again.  We have clearly been put on this earth for a purpose and I can attest that my purpose was to fulfill this calling.  I am really excited to find out what my next HUGE purpose in this life will be.  I have other big goals that I'm excited to fulfill and I'm sure I will have more to come as I grow older.  I also know that this chapter of surrogacy is over, but I this is the beginning of a lifetime of watching these two beautiful souls grow up.  I wish for them much love and happiness wherever life brings them!      

My IPs stayed until I was ready to go so they could drop me off on their way home.  It was extra special to have my IPs, Spencer, and Chloe drop me off from the hospital.  Poor IP-A had to sit in the back of the vehicle squished between two car seats while I sat shotgun.  I mentioned in the car that I would have to look for Dixie Chicks concert tickets now that Chloe was here and I could make it to the concert.  My sister got tickets months ago for the concert and I didn't want to get a ticket and not be able to go, but when I realized I could make the concert I was so excited!  Ben greeted me as I got home and the kids gave me a quick hug and went out to take one more peak at Chloe before they left as a family of four to head home.  The heartfelt hugs from my IPs and 'Thank you' that I heard will resonate with me forever.  I felt so proud as they drove off into the sunset (Ok, it was early afternoon but it made it sound so nice).  I was exhausted but deeply satisfied as they left!  I looked at what Ben had been up to on the house while I was gone, said good-bye to Ben who would be off to the Metallica concert soon, and headed off for a 3 hour nap.      



Soaking Wet After our Walk

As soon as I woke up from my nap I went for a two mile walk with the boys.  We got one and a half miles into the two miles when the scary gray clouds took a dump on us.  We were drenched from head to toe in less than a minute.  I was less than 48 hours after pushing out a baby so I was walking pretty slow and obviously couldn't run at that point.  The only thing we could do was laugh hysterically while the boys splashed through the puddles on their bikes.  I was overdue for a refreshing shower anyway, so I took a really long hot shower once we got home.  We snuggled on the couch that night while Ben was at his concert and Lydia was babysitting her cousins.  I slept so amazing that night other than waking up to pump!  It's so amazing to sleep without being pregnant after nine months of sharing my body. 

The days that followed included lots of walks and I even successfully attempted to ride the kids stair stepper scooter for a few miles.  After getting a couple of concerned phone calls I decided I better take it easy and let my body heal.  It's so hard to just sit around an wait for my body to catch up to where I feel it should already be.  I'm eager to get out and run and move on with starting to work on my next goal.  I feel fantastic!  My bleeding was almost nonexistent until I went to the Dixie Chicks concert on August 27th.  I think the base must have shook everything up my who-ha loose and now I'm paying for the unbloody first week.  The Dixie Chicks concert was AMAZING!  I was able to buy a single ticket off of Craigslist that just so happened to be in the same section and only four rows in front of my sister and her friend.  Fortunately, only being nine days postpartum, I was able to see while sitting for the entire concert.  I sang every song at the top of my lungs and was in my happy place for the second time in nine days.  When they sang 'Good-Bye Earl' they had a picture of Trump pop up on the screen at one point.  I just about died from laughter!  I knew I always loved the Dixie Chicks, but that just solidified my love for them!  At the very end of the show they had a huge rainbow heart shine on their screen.  I kind of felt like it was a sign that the heavens were smiling down on me! 

Dixie Chicks



8 Day Old Milk Delivery

I snuck over for a milk delivery and visit with little miss Chloe when she was four days old.  I brought all the kids with me so we didn't stay long.  Lydia, Jack, and I went to have lunch with my IPs and Chloe when she was eight days old.  This was a very special visit for us.  We had a delicious spaghetti lunch and five hours of snuggles!  Lydia and I fought over who got to hold Chloe the entire time.  The only time she wasn't being snuggled was when we were eating.  We all huddled around the computer to watch both Chloe and Spencer's birth videos.  It's amazing how the pain of childbirth can be forgotten.  I concluded after watching both births that pushing out Chloe was the less painful of the two and very much less stressful.  I think it's a treasure to be able to watch myself give birth after the fact.  Lydia's birth is the only one I don't have recorded of all five of my deliveries.  I could watch them all over and over again!  I had one more two minute milk delivery and snuggle when Chloe was 10 days old, but I had to make it very fast because I was off to get some work done in our house.  We were also invited to a pool party at Serena's, IP-B's sister, house this weekend.  Chloe was 16 days old and she seems to be getting cuter by the minute.  Spencer came into Serena's house and couldn't wait to go swimming with Lydia.  She is the big kid that all the little kids flock to and adore.  It was a lovely afternoon and much needed break from all of our hard work on our house.   


4 Days Old
Feeding Chloe my Fresh Milk



Lydia and Chloe

George and Chloe

Jack and Chloe



Other than my normal motherly duties, Ben and I have been working hard at getting our entryway closet remodeled before school starts.  It has been a fun project that turned into a bit more painting than I was anticipating.  Why not paint the entire kitchen, bathroom, and other entryway while you're at it?!  Maybe we should finishing staining the deck, too?!  We still have a few touch ups to get done in our barn wood living room before we have a big gathering for my family and friends to meet my IPs, Spencer, Chloe, and their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  I'm really looking forward to introducing everyone!  These people have played a significant role in our lives for the last three and a half years and will forever, so it's about time for everyone to meet.

Closet demo is done and part of the
bench is in 

We left a special message in a bottle for the
people who open up this wall in the future

Complete with outlets and a school iPad spot

 

Barn wood living room is almost complete

We've also been catching mice in our house.  We've caught a total of four since we opened up the wall in the entryway the day I came home from the hospital.  Ben thinks he might have found were they are getting in so lets cross our fingers that we won't have any more mice issues.  I HATE RODENTS!  One morning I woke up at 1:00 to pump and we had three of them in sticky traps.  I woke up Ben to take them outside before I could even step into the kitchen to gather my pumping supplies.  I HATE RODENTS!  We just caught the other one a few nights ago.  I've spent more time disinfecting our kitchen in the last two weeks than the entire time we've lived here.  Seriously, ever single day I'm disinfecting the kitchen before anyone can eat breakfast.  Yuck, I HATE MICE! 

On an interesting note, gave up sugar again to support our son, George, who is gluten, dairy, and sugar free.  I made a promise to George at the beginning of the pregnancy that I would give up sugar as soon as I left the hospital.  I held my word and I'm going strong over two weeks now.  I went seven months sugar free prior to getting pregnant and I've never felt better in my life.  I know this will have the same effect and it's priceless to hear George say, "Mom can't have that either!"     

I'm itching to run and start working out again.  It's consumes my thoughts.  I'm very much a goal oriented person and it's driving me crazy that I can't already begin on my next adventure.  I'm going to sign up for the Lake Wobegon Marathon which is on May 13, 2017.  Anyone is welcome to join us if you're interested in running with my sister and me.  We have a great time and I highly encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and do it with us!  My plan between now, or a few weeks from now, and the marathon is to get in the best shape of my life.  Perhaps you're interested in a 5k instead?  My IPs made a goal to run the PRIDE 5k next summer with us, and we're hoping that we can get a large group to make it an annual tradition to run the PRIDE 5k together.  Grandpa Jerry even said he would like to join us!  How cool is that?!  Let me know if you're interested in one or both of the races. 

Click on the link below to sign up for the marathon in May:

http://www.lakewobegontrailmarathon.org/info.html

I joined our agency, IARC, at the state capital with Lydia last week to attend a surrogacy commission meeting.  Laws need to be made to protect surrogates, intended parents, and children born via surrogacy.  Some people are trying to abolish surrogacy altogether, while others say compensated surrogacy should be outlawed.  So many of these people have nothing to do with surrogacy in any sense and just hold a nasty opinion.  I will never understand people holding negative opinions on topics that have nothing to do with themselves!  Surrogacy has no direct impact on many of these people's lives, so what is the point of having so much anger and negative energy?  I guess it's just something I'll never quite understand.  I'd rather be a positive light in the world.  Anyway, There were some people who testified that made my heart light up and wiped a smile across my face.  These were the people who have directly impacted the surrogacy community, owned different agencies, and work as lawyers on behalf of intended parents and surrogates.  They know surrogacy inside and out and have worked with the surrogacy community for twenty to thirty years.  I felt completely offended by the testifier from the center for bioethics.  This man read off of a sheet of paper what he believed (Or maybe in his defense, what someone else told him to read) a surrogate 'looked' like.  He basically called us poor women who are easily coerced by money.  We are baby sellers who don't have the best interest of the child because it's ripped from it's birth mother and not allowed to bond.  This is the same group that produced the documentary 'Breeders: A Sub-Class of Women?'.  I attended the showing and conversation of that documentary shortly after Spencer was born.  These people have a false sense of surrogacy.  The surrogates that represent this group, who oppose surrogacy, have gone through the process in all the wrong ways and for the wrong reasons.  Some of the women in the documentary weren't even surrogates.  If they spoke with the majority of surrogates who have gone through agencies, undergone psychological evaluations, and have legitimate contracts and representation, they would find nearly all positive stories.  Some surrogacy stories do end in tragedy, heartache, and loss.  This is true with any pregnancy that a woman could have regardless if it is her own child or a surrogate babe.  It doesn't mean that it was a terrible choice and most of these women go on to have happy endings.  Little to most peoples knowledge, we have a separate attorney than our intended parents who works on our behalf.  We are a group of women who have a passion for helping other and love being pregnant.  Most of us are done procreating for our own family, but we enjoy pregnancy and childbirth and feel like that part of life doesn't need to be over after completing our own family.  It's a win-win that we get to experience pregnancy and childbirth and deserving people get to take their biological baby home with them.  Most of us find so much satisfaction in surrogacy that we could do it over and over again.  The reward of watching people become parents, who couldn't without the help of our womb and willingness, is so great and a gift that will last a lifetime!  I only see beauty in what we do!  You're welcome to attend any surrogacy commission meeting or write to your legislator.  We need laws written to catch up with the advances in medical technology. 

At the capital supporting surrogacy

Can you believe we've had 699 people view the last blog post in less than two weeks?  I wonder if we can get to 1,000 views?  Maybe Ellen will want to meet us?!  Or Oprah, I like her too!  Ok, really though...I can't believe how many lives we've touched by our surrogacy story!  I'm sure the number extends past the 699 people that have read one blog post.  If you think about all of our family and friends, my IPs family and friends, and all the strangers any one of us has shared the story with, I'm sure the number of people we've touched is well into the thousands.  Keep spreading the good word about surrogacy!  It lights a fire in my soul!  I still want to write a book about our journeys. 

As I conclude this post, I want everyone to know that I'm feeling excellent physically and emotionally.  I think the one major thing people, who couldn't imagine being a surrogate themselves, can't comprehend is how to deal with the emotions after the surrogate baby goes home.  I assure you that I am more complete and fulfilled than I was before having Spencer and Chloe.  I'm so proud of myself and my family, I am happy, and I feel only a sense of gain.  It makes me realize that I can accomplish any goal I set for myself and I hope it inspires others to go after their dreams and goals.  If I turned the clock back four years ago, knowing all I know now, I would relive it all over again in a heartbeat!  Life is AMAZING!  What are your dreams and goals you have tucked away that you've been too afraid to accomplish?  The strength that comes from accomplishing these BIG DREAMS makes us more confident and better people in society.  Start working on your goal today...you'll be happy you did!         

          

Chloe
4 Days Old

A Picture Worth a Thousand Words

The human body never ceases to amaze me.  I'm in
awe that the body can bounce back this fast!

8 Days Old

 *I'm still waiting to get the birth photos from Brianna.  I'm like a little kid waiting for Christmas.  I'll post them when I get them! 

Chloe's Birth Story - My Perspective

Wednesday night I got a call from my IPs to confirm pickup time and they wanted my final guess at the baby's gender.  I believed for the first 30 weeks that it was a girl.  I've been wrong with every single pregnancy that I've had so I felt doubtful, of course!  For the last 10 weeks I had a hunch that it was a boy, and I'll explain that hunch in a bit.  My final guess was girl based on the fact that was my feelings the first 30 weeks of the pregnancy, however, I would be VERY surprised if it was a girl.  I know is sounds strange but we'll get to that...

We received a message from Liz right away Thursday morning, August 18th, that we didn't need to call to confirm our scheduled induction and we could come on in.  She was already at the hospital and they were ready and waiting for us.  My IPs dropped off Spencer at daycare at 7:00 and picked me up along the way to the hospital.  I gave myself enough time to eat a nice breakfast and get my hair and makeup done before heading off to push out a baby!  Come on, who doesn't want to look nice while having a baby?!  (It's kind of an outstanding joke around our house that I get all done up to push out a baby so you're very welcome to laugh if you'd like, but just wait until you see the birth photos...I'm sure my hair looks awesome!)  ;)

Ben and I chatted at length about all the people attending the birth and his and Lydia's length of stay for an induced labor.  I thought it would be best for people to give me some time to get things moving in the right direction before they made their way to the hospital.  Lydia had swimming practice in the morning that I thought she should go to, and it made the most sense for Ben to go to work for a while before picking up Lydia.  Then they could head to the hospital when I thought things were getting far enough along so they didn't have to spend their entire day just waiting around.  It can get boring and add unnecessary stress to the laboring mama, or surrogate in my case.  I made my entire fan club aware that I would let them know when they were welcome to join us at the hospital. 

When we arrived at the hospital we were directed from the emergency room entrance down to labor and delivery.  I was pretty nervous and excited as we made our way into our room about how the day was going to unfold.  My whole being just believed that Liz would be able to open the bag of water and we would end up in the water birth room by the end of the day!  Liz greeted us and explained that I'd get hooked up to my IV and we would start the antibiotics started right away.  Our nurse, Polly, was amazing!  She has a lovely presence about her and was a perfect fit for me with her sweet and calm demeanor.  I changed quickly into the hospital gown and then Polly got me all hooked up to the fetal monitor, placed the IV, and we started the antibiotics.  Liz checked my cervix shortly thereafter.  I was dilated to 3 cm and baby had moved up a bit since the night before.  She wanted us to start walking around the hospital right away to see if we could get baby to move down, and once I had the full dose of antibiotics in I could get taken off the IV and we would start walking stairs. 

Liz had been at the hospital for quite some time already, so she went home to get all freshened up and eat some breakfast.  She would let us know when she got back and she would check out where things were at that point.  I pushed the IV pole while my IPs walked along side of me as we started to explore the hospital halls.  Once we came to the first set of stairs IP-B said that IP-B would carry the IV pole for me if we wanted to start stairs right away.  There were a few women sitting at their desk across the set of stairs and said as they pointed, "There is an elevator right around the corner."  We all laughed and said, "We're actually wanting to run up and down these stairs.  You might be seeing a lot of us today!"  IP-B and I ran up and down the stairs several times while IP-A joined us for a few flights but then stopped to look at some artwork as we continued running up and down the stairs.  As soon as the dose of antibiotics was complete we made our way back to our laboring room to get all unhooked.  I got back into my street cloths so we could hit the halls and stairs hard to try to move baby down.  We walked a lot and we walked hard!  We walked all over the hospital halls and found every staircase they have.  IP-B ran into one of his aunts in the hospital so they stopped to chat with her for a while and I continued to book it through the halls.  At one point I told my IPs they were going to have to run to keep up with me.  I was on a mission to get this baby to move down so we could avoid Pitocin at all cost! 

Liz arrived back at the hospital around 10:15ish so we quickly made our way back to the labor room (it is actually a labor and delivery room but I viewed it as my labor room because I planned on going to the water birth room for the delivery).  I was anxious to see if all our efforts had made baby move down a bit.  I got back into my hospital gown and Polly hooked me back up to the fetal monitor again.  Liz checked my cervix again.  I was dilated to 4 cm and baby was low enough that she was able to open the bag of water (10:30 am)!  Normally when my water is broken I can almost hear the pop and feel a huge gush of water flow out - that was not the case this time.  Liz had a very hard time telling if she even broke the water and said she felt like she snagged it about 20 times.  Her gloves barley had fluid on them and I felt a tiny amount of fluid flow out when I stood up and went to the bathroom.  Normally I would have a trail of water following me and I would be surrounded by water until the baby was born.  Again, this wasn't the case this time.  Clearly the fluid was very low!   I hung out on the fetal monitor a little while and Polly helped me get hooked up to the breast pump to do some nipple stimulation.  We Chatted a while and then all of the sudden Polly said, "Look, you have colostrum already!"  Polly got a syringe and sucked up every last drop of the colostrum so the baby could have it after it was born.  We walked around the hospital halls again for a while until I was due for my second dose of antibiotics at noon.  Liz still questioned if she actually broke my water even a couple hours after she did.  I felt the dancing, or almost bouncing from side to side, made the biggest progress in terms of getting contractions.  We spent a very long time visiting as I danced and tried my best to make progress on moving this baby down and out.  I still believed this was all going to work out, but I was getting doubtful as the afternoon progressed.  At 12:30 I sent out a mass text that my contractions were starting to get a little stronger (but not really that strong) and they were still pretty far apart.  I think I asked Liz a few times about when she thought we might have to start Pitocin if things weren't moving.  She said typically three to four hours after breaking the water she sees things progressing.  If, at that point, we hadn't started seeing progress then we would talk about Pitocin.  She did a very lovely job diverting my brain away from the worry of Pitocin!

I couldn't get my brain off the fact that I had people waiting to be notified to come to the hospital.  At 12:45 I suggested that people could make their way to the hospital but I thought it was still going to be a while.  Ben and Lydia were first to arrive around 1:30 and my mom, sister, sister-in-law, and my dad arrived shortly thereafter.  Dad surprised me by coming.  I asked him several months ago if he would like to watch the birth and he never gave me a definitive answer.  My mom told me that he wasn't planning on coming, but I'm so happy he was at the hospital even if he didn't watch the birth!  Brianna, our photographer, got there shortly after 2:00.  I enjoyed the greeting from everyone and quickly invited them to wait in the waiting room as labor progressed.  I noticed that when I was left in a quiet room with few people that I was working harder at focusing on labor.  I felt so much more at ease having everyone at the hospital but in the waiting room.  Brianna stayed with me most of the time she was there so she could photograph everything.  We had quite a bit of fun posing for photo ops between contractions.  I had a fan blowing on me ever since my water was broke because I was extremely hot, so we had quite a bit of fun with the fan blowing my hair in some pictures!

In the waiting room our big secret broke loose.  At our first monitoring appointment with the Perinatologist my IPs and Lydia accidentally learned the gender of the baby.  We told the tech, who has been in the business for 30 some years, that we didn't know the gender and didn't want to know.  We all looked away when she was in the buttocks region.  She took a photo, as requested, of the gender and wrote boy or girl on the photo and printed it out and put it in an envelope for us.  At some point in the appointment, while I was lying on my side, she put up four pictures on the screen and the upper right photo was the gender of the baby.  Lydia saw it and immediately said she needed to go to the bathroom.  She didn't know what to do other than leave the room.  When the appointment was over, IP-A left to go to the bathroom, and Lydia told IP-B and I that she accidentally saw the gender and bolted it out of the room.  IP-B said time stood still for many minutes while eyes were glued on the screen, although it was only on the screen for moments they told me.  I felt sad and ill!  I didn't see it and I really didn't want to know the gender.  We met IP-A in the waiting room and IP-B and Lydia didn't say a word. IP-A was talking about the baby in the waiting room and said something like, "You know it's going to be a girl!" (at this time we didn't know that IP-A saw the same picture too).  Someone called the baby a "she" while we were still chatting and Lydia quickly said, "or he!".  I found myself consumed by over-listening to what they were calling the baby (I concluded within the last 10 weeks that the baby was a boy by what people had been calling it).  IP-A sent me a text some hours after we left the appointment and told me that IP-A indeed saw the same picture too.  Ben had been anxious to know the gender since I got pregnant, so I thought it would be safe to have Lydia share her secret with her dad and then be sworn to secrecy.  I was sure that by the end of the day I would decide to find out.  I felt like it was a day from hell - I was tormented by making a decision weather or not to find out the gender.  It took all day, but I finally decided I didn't want to know!  My IPs decided that we just wouldn't tell anyone that they knew the gender for simplicity reasons.  I heard that the waiting room at the hospital, while I was in labor, was on fire with everyone trying to coerce Lydia to spill the beans.  She's the BEST secret keeper I know!

Meanwhile, back in the laboring room, my contractions were starting to get a little stronger, but they still were not as strong as I thought they should be.  IP-B downloaded a contraction app to start timing the contractions to give us something to do.  I wasn't experiencing my normal "gush" while staying relaxed through the contractions.  I always had considered the "gush" as my reward, but I didn't need it yet, my contractions weren't that terrible.  Around 3:00 I asked Polly how long she was working that day and she responded, "I'm done really soon.  I only work until 3:30!"  Liz about fell out of her chair.  Polly said she wished she could stay but had an important meeting to attend at 5:30.  Liz didn't have to say anymore, I could tell she was devastated.  Polly got me an exercise ball, one of my favorite laboring tools, to see if a different position might help.  Ben started trying to massage my back, but he was quickly fired for being too aggressive.  Liz took over and that's when I realized my back was having more discomfort than I have ever experienced during labor.  Her massage felt AMAMZING - She has a gift!  The baby had hiccups during labor.  I've never had a baby have hiccups during contractions before.  It was kind of an odd feeling, but it was the first time since labor began that I paid any attention to the baby's movement inside me.  I spent some time feeling the baby's hiccups and rubbing my belly one last time.  It was another bittersweet moment!  I honestly didn't have much pain at all but I was starting to feel rectal pressure.  I told Liz I was having rectal pressure, but feeling a little disbelief myself, and then she asked if I felt like I needed to poop.  I had a slight feeling I needed to poop and never said anything because I still wasn't in pain.  Liz asked if I wanted her to check where I as at, and I really did want her to check me but I didn't want to lie down in the bed, instead we started to devise a game plan on how to get across and down the hall to the water birth room.  I was contracting pretty close together but it was still not super painful, and it was at this moment that I realized I didn't think I would need Pitocin.  I needed to go to the bathroom, so my plan was after the next contraction that I would pee and then make my way down the hall.  I went pee and then decided, while still in the bathroom, that I should have another contraction while standing next to the bed before going down the hall.  Polly took a turn at my back massage for that contraction.  I think someone helped cover up my backside as we quickly made our way into the water birth room.  Someone else must have carried the exercise ball for me (things I can't remember). 

I got all situated back on the birthing ball in the water birth room and suggested that people come in one at a time to labor with me.  I wanted Lydia to experience labor so she was in and out of the room with me throughout the afternoon, but she had more fun in the waiting room where people were chatting and she didn't have to be quiet.  My mom joined me for a few contractions and then said she was going to get my sister.  Megan may have gotten to witness one contraction and then I sent her to gather the whole group in the hallway because the rectal pressure was getting very strong and I had an urge to push.  The only problem was I wasn't in as much pain as I thought I should be.  I had been very calm and relaxed, without my gush, but still waiting for the intense pain to start to know I was transitioning.  While Megan was gathering the group of people in the hall, I got into the tub.  I remember stepping in and sitting down and saying, "OHHHH, that feels so good!"  And then it began!...

Everyone quietly filed into the room and basically surrounded the bathtub.  I remember searching for Lydia and I didn't see her so I asked, "Where is Lydia?"  Someone told me, "She went to the bathroom quickly."  I replied, "Tell her to hurry because she's going to miss it!" I went into a zone after that, and I was ready to push right away!  Not too long after being in the tub the pain was intolerable and I said, "Liz, tell me again why I thought this was a good idea?!"  Liz responded with something like - Because you are helping a family have this beautiful baby that otherwise couldn't.  She encouraged me to relax and take a nice deep breath.  She also said we had to get to this point and baby would be here soon.  I guess that's when the entire room broke into tears.  The pain was excruciating as I started to push the baby out.  I felt like the baby was coming so I said, "Here comes the baby..." and only bubbles surfaced to the top of the water as I said, "Oh, it was just a fart!"  I opened my eyes to see everyone laughing while tears were flowing down every single persons face, even the nurse in the corner who I hadn't met yet.  I ended up farting twice while pushing out the baby.  The pain was so unbelievable that I decided at that moment that Ben was right, this had to be the last baby to exit my body.  I had Lydia dab my tears in-between contractions.  I knew as the baby was crowing that I was done with this chapter of my life.  The baby was crowning and apparently they could see the head when I asked if the head was already out.  Liz instructed me to put my chin to my chest instead of my natural instinct to put my head up and back.  That was just the ticket I needed.  I think I got the head out with the next push.  Then Liz said, "Ok Josie, listen carefully.  The head is out and I need you to give me one more push."  I took a deep breath and knew the shoulders were coming, I gave out a yelp, and with that out slid the baby (4:57 pm).  Once the shoulders are out the baby slips out so fast.  It's a weird and quick sensation.  I can't remember for sure, but I think I said, "Oh, THANK GOD!"  I was so glad that pain was over and that there was a healthy baby that was placed into IP-A's hands.  IP-A and IP-B knelt down beside the tub and held their little baby.  That's such an indescribable moment to witness these two wonderful people become parents again.  They wanted baby's cord to stay connected until it was done pulsating, so they peacefully sat there holding their baby next to me. 

When I first opened my eyes I spotted Polly standing near the baby warmer in the right corner.  Polly was still there?!  I thought she had to leave?  I'm not sure what had happened but she apparently stayed for the birth and I'll forever be grateful for that!  I remember looking at the baby while it was still connected to me and rubbing its tiny little foot.  It seemed like forever until I heard someone to my left ask if it was a boy or girl.  I heard this calm sweet voice come from IP-B, "Yes, It's a girl! You got your bookends, Josie!"  I was shocked - I couldn't believe it was a girl!  Liz asked if I wanted to feel the cord pulsating so I reached and touched the slippery firm cord and felt the last connection I had to this sweet little girl.  All of the sudden a rush of energy came into the delivery room when Spencer came in.  I couldn't figure out why or how Spencer came into the room, but I heard my mom ask if that was ok.  I really didn't have a care in the world at that moment so it didn't bother me.  I was completely overtaken by the magical moment that just happened.  I did ask if I could have an ibuprofen right after they cut the cord.  After five or so minutes I felt like I had an urge to push again but we continued to let the cord pulsate.  Soon after I felt the urge again and Liz asked if I was ready to have the cord cut so I could get out and deliver the placenta.  She said the cord wasn't pulsating much anyway.  I was very much ready to deliver the placenta so IP-B cut the cord.  I heard them joke that there wouldn't be blood that would splatter this time.  When they cut the cord I said, "Ouch!...Just kidding!"  I thought it was pretty funny!

Making my way to a standing position and stepping out of the tub was incredibly difficult!  I stood up with the help of Ben and Liz and I thought the placenta was falling out of me, but instead a huge clot fell into the tub.  It took a lot of courage to lift my leg over the side of the tub and step down.  I think my legs were already shaking by then and my husband helped me strip off my wet tank top and bra.  Liz directed me on how to maneuver onto the bed.  I was given a couple nice warm blankets to cover up with as I got into the bed.  Lickety-split, the placenta delivery was a piece of cake!  Liz asked me to give a gentle push and it was out within a minute or two of lying down.  Spencer was watching as Liz pushed on my stomach a few times and blood flowed out.  I felt bad he had to witness that.  IP-B did a nice job of redirecting his attention to his new sister.  There was such relief at that moment that the birth was completely over and their baby girl was here and healthy!  I watched them snuggle her and it warmed my heart to watch Spencer who was in awe of this precious life that entered his world.  I witnessed perfection!  A perfect family that was formed in a miraculous way.  I loved that my husband and our daughter watched along side of me as we saw this family become complete in that moment.  It was such an honor to be a part of!

I requested a hot bath as soon as we wrapped in the delivery room.  I got some ibuprofen and some ice for my vag and was finally able to see this tiny miracle that I carried for the last 40 weeks.  IP-B brought her over for me to see and I asked if I could hold her.  She was breathtakingly beautiful!  I enjoyed a few minutes holding her and passed her back to her parents so they could continue to enjoy snuggles.  We gathered everyone for a big group photo, my family congratulated me and told me how proud they were, and they said their farewells so my IPs could have family time.  I asked Ben to run home and get the boys so they could meet their newest wombmate.  When the room got a little more quiet the nurse came in to weigh the baby and take all of her measurements.  She weighed in at 6 pounds 10 ounces and was 18 1/2 inches long.  We took a few more photos and everyone left to go to my IPs room.  The sweet nurse asked if I wanted to walk to my room or ride in a wheelchair.  I wanted to walk of course!  I stood up and the bleeding was so heavy that I made a huge mess on the floor.  We both decided that it would be best if I rode in the wheelchair so I didn't make a trail of blood as I walked down the hall.  She took me directly to my bathroom and had a hot bath waiting for me. 

Right as I got into the bathtub Ben arrived with the kids.  Lydia joined me in the bathroom as I cleaned up and I had a chance to visit with her about her thoughts on what she just witnessed.  She seemed to be on cloud nine!  I think it was hard for her to watch her mom in so much pain as I pushed the baby out, but she was so happy to be a part of this miraculous moment.  She had a lot of questions and felt my doughy stomach while I was in the tub.  She had a hard time with seeing all the bleeding that I had.  I didn't spend more than 10 minutes in the tub, I got dressed, and was most anxious to give my husband a hug.  I spent the last few months dreaming about really hugging my husband, and it was as lovely as I imagined.  Our kids were excited to go next door to meet the baby.  My IPs room was full of guests already.  The kids patiently waited their turn to hold the baby for a very short time and then they took off.  My IPs room was a bit too busy for me and I was feeling kind of dizzy, so I had IP-B walk with me back to my room.  I drank a lot of water and sat down to rest for a while.  Once my IPs room cleared out they had some alone time with the baby to decide on a name for her.  They came over to my room to share the news that they named the baby, Chloe Elizabeth.  I was able to snuggle Chloe for a while before I got extremely exhausted and knew I needed to go to bed.  I called my amazing husband to thank him for everything and got all tucked into bed feeling proud and complete!                          

*Many of you have asked if you can share this blog with others.  You're encouraged to share the love and beauty of surrogacy!

*I'll add pictures once we get them back from Brianna.  You're welcome to check back on this blog post in the near future to see Chloe's entrance into the world!