Friday, April 25, 2014

I'm Not Superwoman!

Sweet Baby Spencer-16 Days Old
Contrary to most of your thoughts and spoken/written words, I'm not superwoman! I'm just a crazy woman who thinks that you should listen to your gut and trust your instincts.  Some would say that's the universe while others would say that's God, whatever you believe, I think that you can trust that the little voice or feeling is correct and you should believe that those dreams or goals that continuously pop in your head should be accomplished.  If you think it, believe it, do it!  Everyone I talked to about surrogacy, in the early stages while working with the agency, had their reservations and I could tell that most people were really unsure about it because they themselves couldn't imagine doing it.  The same goes for after I gave birth, people continuously asked if it was difficult because they imagine what it would feel like for them.  Clearly those people weren't meant to be a surrogate.  It's hard to make sense of things because we all, even I, try to imagine how things would feel for us when we look at other people's lives.  We think that they should feel how we would feel.  And sometimes, well every time, it's impossible to understand because we've never walked in that person's shoes.  We all have big dreams, or at least I hope you do, and this journey has taught me that regardless of other people's opinions, you need to write down your goal and take charge of making them happen.  You must accomplish it because it feels AMAZING!
You are right in the fact that I seriously don't look like I gave birth three short weeks ago.  It's almost nauseating how disgustingly fast my body bounced back into shape.  I did work really hard at staying very active and healthy throughout the pregnancy though.  Do you also remember how sick I was in the first trimester and how I couldn't eat anything sweet throughout the pregnancy?  That still remains a problem.  I'm guessing that played a big factor in it as well.  I bounced back fast after the birth of our three kids but it was even more quickly after Spencer's birth.  I told you from the start...I WAS MEANT TO HAVE BABIES!  I must take after my Grandma Boom who had 14 kids in 14 years.  I could totally do that if I only kept the three that we already have, except my husband probably wouldn't stick around!  I'll be lucky enough to carry one more time and that's probably all my body should really endure. 
This Certificate should go to Spencer.  If it weren't for him and our "blow up the belly" photos then my hair would have never been long enough to donate.
Food has always been a topic of discussion this whole pregnancy so why should I stop talking about it after the birth?  It's unreal how bad I want to enjoy chocolate again!  I tried a piece of chocolate at Easter and had the typical "Josie looks like she's having a seizure" reaction to the sweetness.  It's not good!  My taste buds have totally changed and I'm realizing that I might not be a sweet person anymore.  I can't get enough nuts and raisins. Raisins are sweet enough!  Maybe that's what nine months without sugary foods can do?!?!  I also can't get enough popcorn with sea salt.  I used to not have to add anything to my popcorn or I could just skip eating popcorn altogether, but it is a nightly necessity now.  I guess it's better than my nightly ice cream, except my brain still tells me that I'd rather eat the ice cream and skip the popcorn.  I also can't get enough cottage cheese, fruit, plain yogurt, and granola.  It's great that I can eat banana's and granola now, those two things were way too sweet while I was pregnant.  Unfortunately, apples still taste funny.  Our kids said that I just have to be a surrogate again to help my taste buds go back to normal.  I asked them if they would be okay if I was a surrogate again, and the answer was a unanimous-YES!  So, if you're wondering how the kids are doing, well...they're ready to get back on that train ride again sometime.  It truly has been a wonderful experience for our family! 

I'm blown away by the kindness people have shown throughout this journey and after the birth.  We're still getting mail that's flooding our mailbox, email inbox, and facebook messages.  I know I wrote about it before, but it's truly appreciated that you're expressing how this has impacted your lives in such amazing ways.  I didn't realize that it would go beyond our family, my IPs, and their families.  I'm realizing that it has touched so many people in ways that I never would have guessed.  I feel so blessed to read about the impact it's had on your life.  Thank you for sharing and thank you for your love and support!   

The transition from being pregnant and having daily contact with my IPs to the amount of contact now that Spencer is here will change and evolve.  I'm not sure what it will eventually look like, other than I'm sure we'll be friends forever and feel a lot like extended family, but after the birth I have had daily contact from one of them or the other until yesterday.  I'm sure that's why it was so easy my emotional well being, plus they were really excited and happy that I could come down and visit a couple times.  I keep thinking that the daily contact will eventually find a new normal and we'll settle into what is right for us all.  The only person, other than my husband, that I talk to everyday is my sister.  It would feel weird if I didn't talk to her every single day, she's my best friend (speaking of her...she's calling right now)!  Last night when I went to bed I realized that I didn't get a new picture, a phone call, text, or email from either of my IPs.  It's okay that the separation is happening.  All of us have been so very respectful of each other and so open in terms of boundaries.  I'm glad it has been a slow process and it will continue to level out and just become normal.  I'm just so happy that we have had this perfect match! 

Visiting Spencer-16 Days Old
I'm still pumping throughout the day and that's usually when I look to see if there's a new photo of Spencer.  Pumping allows me to still feel connected and I know that I'm helping Spencer's little immune system.  I think I'll quit pretty soon.  I don't produce much and I'm starting to feel like it's taking too much of my time for not much milk.  This will be my final physical attachment that I have with this journey so I'm not sure how that will feel.  Probably just like everything else...not a big deal.  I think once I'm working more it'll be an easy transition to quit.  I'm still bleeding and that's a constant reminder every time I go to the bathroom that I really did give birth three weeks ago and I still am recovering.  It also reminds me that I still need to take it easy, even though I'm dying to go running.

I've gotten a couple letters in the mail, one for Spencer's birth certificate information, and the other was the county sending Ben and I a congratulations note on the birth of our son, Spencer.  We really need to get these laws passed so that these things don't get sent.  I really didn't react to them except with a good chuckle.  It's strange getting "new mother" info when the baby doesn't live here and he's not mine!  I also had to do some research because Ben's information was on Spencer's birth certificate information notice.  It actually shouldn't have his info on it, so our agency went to work along with my IPs to get that changed.  I guess there was a new person at the hospital that made a mistake on the form.  We knew I'd end up as the "mother" until we go to court and have everything finalized.  It's strange how the law works.  Even having Spencer and my IPs banded with my name at the hospital seems weird. 

Letter sent in the mail to congratulate Ben and I on the birth of our son
I'm kind of surprised at my new found need to set and accomplish another big goal and dream.  I guess it kind of makes sense because our last 20 months were consumed with becoming a surrogate, being a surrogate, and I'm sure I have another three weeks to heal from surrogacy.  That would mean that this was a 21 month commitment for a lifetime of joy!  It was worth every piece of blood, sweat, tears, sleepless nights, frequent urination, smiles, and hugs.  A journey of a lifetime!  So, I've decided what's next and have sort of become addicted to blogging now, so expect a new blog for a whole new goal to be accomplished!  This journey isn't quite over...we still have a court date we're waiting for so stay tuned for more updates.  I sounds like it's going to be a while for that because we're waiting on background checks.  Plus, who doesn't want to watch little Spencer grow up?  I'll keep this blog updated as we have visits and such.  He's one special little man! 

If you're interested in following my next blog, please e-mail me at and I'll keep you posed.      

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