LONG OVERDUE UPDATE

It seems like the weeks are flying by and I've been bad about keeping the blog updated.  I always try to continue to do a better job, so one of my goals this new year, with three months left of the pregnancy, will be to do a weekly update for you all!

We did a lot of paperwork over the last month.  Our wills were officially signed and turned into the agency, and the latest documents that needed my John Hancock were to sign over mine and Ben's "rights" at the hospital.  Those papers gave my IP's "temporary" custody, so the baby will be banded at the hospital with their names and will go home with them, THANK GOD! (wink wink)  We'll have a court hearing ASAP after the birth of the baby for everything to be legal, blah blah blah...and my IPs are working on getting all the documents for the adoption ready to go.  I've hear that that's a lot of work.

OUR NEIGHBORS WITH OUR SIGNED HOSPITAL PAPERS

  Our totally rad neighbors were willing to be our witnesses signing the papers for the hospital.  They've been so supportive of our journey and it's super fun that they get to now have an actual part that they've played in it.  Yay for awesome neighbors! 

SUCKING HIS THUMB

Two weeks ago (at 25 weeks gestation) we had a checkup ultrasound to confirm that the little man looked good.  They didn't get a clear view of his heart at the first ultrasound and he had two little cysts on the back of his head.  They were pretty sure the cysts would go away but they wanted to make sure on a follow-up ultrasound.  The tech looked at his head to start and we were all relieved to learn that the cysts were gone! She also confirmed that the little guy was a dude, and he still looked like a boy five weeks later. 

This ultrasound was more fun than the first.  We were able to watch the whole thing instead of closing our eyes every time she was near his genitals.  The little guy was sucking his thumb each time we saw his profile, it was so neat to see his little jaw moving up and down.  He also had the hiccups during the ultrasound which was pretty awesome.  We could see his little diaphragm spasm and I could see what I was feeling on the inside.  During the ultrasound she was trying to get a good photo of his right foot which was up under my rib cage.


RIGHT FOOT UNDER MY RIBS





I'm still feeling really great!  I'm at the point where I'm not huge but I look and feel pregnant, finally.  Most people are still thinking I'm smaller than they expect at this point.  I think that this is how I've always been with all my pregnancies.  I seem to get pregnant in my back before I do in my belly, oh for the love of muffin tops!  It helps that I think pregnancy is the most beautiful time of a woman's life, maybe that's why I love being pregnant.  I do feel extra beautiful right now!!! It's quite possible that's why our Lydia is overly obsessed with pregnancy, or because EVERY single womb around us is full of baby!


Lydia and Mom with our bellies

I love when people feel the baby moving.  Both my IPs were able to feel their little dude moving at the ultrasound a couple weeks ago.  I also find any open hand that is available to feel my belly when he's moving.  I have a co-worker at an office that I temp at that can't have kids and has never felt a human (she's felt dogs) moving in the womb, until this little guy!  She's been able to feel him several times and gets so excited each time.  It makes me so happy when people get as excited as I do.  Even my in-laws, who only talk about the pregnancy if I bring it up, felt him move over Christmas.  We're making strides in the right direction, yay!  I always make it a point to ask if people are interested in feeling him because it makes me so happy to have others enjoy this wonderful experience.

Speaking of wonderful experience, I feel like the farther along in this journey we get the more I'm surprised at how perfect everything is.  Our match couldn't be more perfect, we're so lucky that I got pregnant the first try, he looks healthy, we've had a tremendous support system, I'm fascinated by the impact it's had on the people around us, we've been loved beyond words by our IPs and their families, our agency has been so wonderful, and it's been overall simply AMAZING!  I had a telephone conversation with IP-A not long ago...I said, "I'm kind of sad that this will be over in 15 weeks.  I feel like I'm on a trip that I've saved for my whole life and it's been everything I hoped it would be, and more, but I'm not ready for it to be over."  (I realize most of you will never understand this feeling and probably think I'm sick, but I'm enjoying every second of this journey!)  What IP-A said to me will stick with me forever, "You can think of this as a lifelong journey that is just beginning!"  It confirms that we'll have an awesome friendship forever.  Two families brought together for one little life, a little life that will do BIG things!  He's one lucky little man!

There couldn't be an update without talking about food, right?!  I've discovered that I can eat soft served vanilla frozen yogurt.  It tastes okay, so I've only eaten a couple bites of the kids.  I was just excited that it didn't taste horrible!  Our youngest, George, is sugar free so I usually enjoy the sugarless foods that I make for him.  I wonder if this will change after delivery?  I did have a pretty strong craving for homemade baked beans that my IPs brought to a BBQ this summer.  I thought it was a secret recipe, but when the surrogate needs those beans it's not hard to crack it.  My sister was craving the same beans so she came over after I made them.  They didn't taste as good as my IPs so I might request them at one of the baby showers that I'll be attending.  I've heard that IP-B's aunt makes the best  :)

  

PREGNANT SISTERS ENJOYING OUR FIRST TASTE OF BAKED BEANS 



 

I have my gestational diabetes test next week Friday, I've never had it before so the only concern I have is that it might be terribly sweet.  After that appointment we're actually on every two week OB appointments already.  It's hard to believe that we're that far along.  My IPs will come up on the 17th for our appointment and then they're going to come and watch Ben and the kids in their Wizard of Oz play.

Believe it our not, Ben and I haven't watched Baby Mama!  We finally rented it and are just sitting down to watch it together.  The cover says, "Would you put your eggs...in this basket?"  It's too late for my IPs.  The deed has been done!  I'll let you know what we think in next weeks blog.  Merry Christmas!
 

Surrogates Unite

I've been lucky to be able to join a surrogate support group with about fifty Midwestern ladies.  It's a group where nothing is off limits and we're allowed to get support from women who completely understand each other.  Saturday, I attended a gathering with six surrogates from Minnesota.  I love being able to connect with these ladies.  Some of these women have/are carrying several times for several different couples.  Most are gestational surrogates and a few have been traditional surrogates.  Some are "retired" and others, like me, are having our first journey.  It's great to be able to listen to each woman's perspective and realize how similar we all are.  I guess we all clearly like being pregnant and have WONDERFUL husbands/partners that are more than supportive of our desire.  I know that this desire of mine is something that I couldn't keep pushing down, for years it would come to the surface with a vengeance...I would have regretted not doing it.  I don't know if you believe in God, The Universe, or some type of Energy source, but this desire is one, of many, of my "callings" in life.  I feel great satisfaction for listening and following through with this calling.        

Each time I meet with a surrogate, I realize that we all have to deal with the reality that there are those people that aren't supportive of our decision.  No matter what life decisions, or sometimes lack there of decision...just the life we were given, there are people who won't be supportive, and that's ok so long as they keep that to themselves.  Some people think that it's ok to share their opinion with us and tell us why it's wrong, or right, and others will just simply ignore the pregnancy and don't want to deal with the fact that we are genuinely happy growing a BEAUTIFUL baby inside our womb.  I've even been told that some people look at surrogacy as some sort of prostitution.  I'M NOT JOKING, I've heard it!  They think we're selling our bodies for money.  I'll just let you stew in that one for only a moment...

With the few negative things we have all heard about surrogacy, there is an overwhelming amount of positive things that we've all heard.  Strangers aren't afraid to wrap their arms around me and give me the greatest hug that anyone could give.  People tear up at the idea of how we could give the greatest gift, life.  Others will share that they had this desire and never lived it out.  More people than I can count have said that they've heard about surrogates on the news but have never met one in real life.  One person even told me that I am now a local celebrity (that made me chuckle)!  The point is, is that I'm just showing people that I'm living who I am and who I was created to be.  These are the people we want to surround ourselves with!  Life in general should be shared with positive people, and those are the people I'm really attracted to.  I enjoy being around happy people and people who enjoy being around me.

 My family is my greatest blessing in this life.  I have really high expectations of what a great family is, because generation after generation has been lead by an amazing example of how people should be treated when they are part of a family.  Both of my Grandmas did a great job of allowing us to see that when you join a family, you simply become another person to love just as equal as all the others.  When I was blessed with my only living Grandpa (Only by looking at a family tree would you know that he is technically my Step-Grandfather), George, he and my Grandma embraced each other's kids and grandkids like their own.  The joining of 10 kids, in-laws, and 27 grandkids couldn't have had a more beautiful ending, or beginning!!!  We were given more awesome people to love and to love us!  This is much like the joining of a surrogate's family with the intended parents and their family, we're gaining more awesome people to love and to love us!  

Speaking of my amazing family, on Sunday I'm going to be heading to my aunt and uncle's house for a photo shoot where five of eight pregnant cousins will be showing off our beautiful baby bellies.  Can you imagine how excited our Grandparents must feel looking down on all of us grandkids?  This might be the only time when 8 of 27 grandkids are pregnant and due between January 2014 and May 2014.  It's going to be so awesome!     



21 weeks



I'm a little over 21 weeks now and this little man is moving all the time.  Lydia and Jack have been able to feel him and if you watch my belly close you can see the kicks.  He kept me awake two nights ago from 3:30 am to when I got out of bed.  My IPs better watch out, he's going to be a little night owl!  We took the kids to production of Beauty and The Beast on Sunday and he moved the entire show.  I think he's going to be a theatre lover, maybe because he started off by listening to The Wizard of Oz just two days after he was put in my uterus.  He listened to The Sound of Music all summer long because Lydia was in that show.  Jack just finished up with The Little Mermaid, and as of yesterday, the kids and Ben started rehearsals for The Wizard of Oz.  I'm get to work the spotlight and watch all their performances!  I think he'll be one happy baby listening to all of this from the cozy warmth of his womb.  LIFE IS GOOD!! 

It's a...



This baby will always have a special place in my heart!  I know he'll grow up and do great things.

Yesterday was the big 20 week ultrasound.  Of course my IPs were both able to attend this amazing event.  Just as I hopped in my car the baby started moving like crazy.  I seriously talked out loud to it, telling it that it had to keep moving so it's parents could feel it kicking when I got to the clinic.  After a quick hug to greet my IPs, I laid in the back seat of their vehicle and both of them were able to feel their baby move for the first time!  That was a pretty magical!  I think all three of us were beaming from ear to ear.

The plan for the ultrasound was that none of us would find out the gender of the baby and the next day (today) would be a family reveal party to learn the gender.  They asked the ultrasound tech if she would be able to e-mail or call the bakery to let them know if it was a boy or girl.  Apparently those of us in the medical field would think that HIPPA would allow this to happen, and of course we were wrong.  IP-A and IP-B both decided that I could find out the gender and call the bakery after the appointment.  Before finding out the gender, I told them that my gut feeling was a girl and that I'll continue to call it a she and at the reveal party I'd vote girl, wear a "GIRL" sticker, and not tell a soul no matter what.  That was not an easy task.  It was pretty obvious when the tech got to the right area that it was CLEARLY a boy!  I winked at the tech and kept my word.  I didn't tell anyone! 



It's a BOY!

We were given two CDs with photos of the ultrasound and she included the gender picture, so IP-B decided that I should take their CD with me and bring it to them today so that IP-A wouldn't cheat.  I started getting texts this morning begging me to tell IP-A, but I played along and couldn't ruin the surprise! 

Ben, the kids, and I were we were lucky enough to bring the guest of honor to the gender reveal party that my IPs had with both their families.  It shouldn't have come as a surprise to me that I would be greeted with overwhelming love and gratitude.  I wasn't expecting to hear every single person say "Thank you!"  I've never thought of the impact this child would have outside of my IPs.  To be able to hug the grandparents, aunts, and uncles of this baby gave me a whole new perspective on being a surrogate, much like discovering the the amazing impact it's having on our children and community.  I can't believe that I never thought in depth about how my IPs families must feel.  It was a room filled with so much love for the baby in my womb.  And this is one lucky baby!  I always say how fortunate I feel to be matched with such an amazing couple, but now I feel even more lucky to be matched with these amazing families!  They are truly awesome people.      

As each person came into the party they were to pick a gender and wear a sticker with their guess.  One uncle came in and asked what I thought it was and pulled a Ben, he picked the opposite because he remembered that I've never been right with guessing any of our kids genders.  After we had a lovely pizza lunch it was time for a fun game of "What do the Old Wives Tales tell us about the gender?"  I answered a bunch of old wives tale questions and came to the conclusion that we were split right down the middle on if it's a boy or girl. 

My IPs cut into the cake right after the game.  The cake was to have blueberry filling for a boy or raspberry filling for a girl.  The fruit layer was so thin that it was really difficult to tell if it was raspberry or blueberry.  I let them look hard and waited to see if they could figure it out, I heard them say "I think it's a girl"...then they looked at me and I had to tell them that IT'S A BOY!  They tasted the fruit filling and it was blueberry!  Sometimes things happen for reasons, and it was a good thing that I secretly knew the gender.  Everyone seems to be really excited about this new baby boy  :)      



The Cake

Blueberry Filling = Boy

Things You Didn't Know

Surrogacy has so many hidden aspects that many people don't think about or simply never knew.  I received a thick envelope from IARC, our agency, a couple weeks ago, and it was filled with more paperwork and a ton of questions for me to fill out for our court hearing after the baby is born. Most of you aren't aware that in the state of Minnesota, I actually have to give up my "parental rights" over the baby and a formal adoption will happen shortly after the birth.  You've gathered it, I end up on the birth certificate for a short time after the birth and have "rights" over a child that doesn't even have an ounce of genetic attachment to me.  This seems silly to me, but we do have to do a bunch of legal paperwork and then go in front of a judge to have everything finalized.  I'm kind of bummed that we need to do this in the cities instead of St. Cloud, because my mom, who's a court reporter, would have asked to be with our judge for the day and she could have recorded the whole court hearing. 

Ben and I recently meet with an attorney to have our wills done.  This is another piece of surrogacy that needs to be completed.  If something were to happen to me during the pregnancy, we've made sure that it's written to keep my body alive and to let the baby grow to full term.  These are very morbid conversations to have but we've known about this since contract time.  It's just something that most people wouldn't think would be a part of this process. 

I can finally feel the baby from the outside!  This is very exciting news because I get to see my IPs tomorrow and hopefully they'll be able to feel their baby kick!!!!!  Our 5 year old son, George, was the first to feel the movement last weekend.  He's not one to sit still very long, however he laid next to me and giggled every time he felt movement for at least 30 minutes.  I had one night where I actually felt a very hard body part slide across my hand.  It's such a neat feeling and this is totally the reason I love being a surrogate, so far!  I'm sure that the actual birth and watching my IPs in the delivery room will be the very best part!!!

I need to brag on our kids for a moment.  Lydia, our 9 year old, and I were having a conversation last week about different things that people do to help others out in this world.  We were specifically discussing Red Cross, volunteer work, and natural disaster clean up.  Lydia told me that helping clean up after a natural disaster is something that she really wouldn't ever be interested in doing, and I agree with her, I don't think it's something that I really would feel like I'm "called" to do either.  So we went on discussing other ways we could help people out and really enjoy it.  Lydia didn't hesitate when she said that our family is doing something great for someone, and she told me that she thinks when she is older that she might be a surrogate herself.  She has such a big heart and loves what our family is doing for our IPs! 

Jack, our 7 year old, is a very deep thinker.  He loves to go above and beyond what he needs to do in school and gets really excited to excel at everything he tries.  We recently had parent teacher conferences and one of his assignments at school was to answer a bunch of questions from a story, of his choice, that he had to read.  He asked if he could write a story and then answer the questions, and of course any teacher would say, yes.  He spent three days writing his story, and his teacher said he worked very very hard on it.  She wanted us to read his story right there in front of her during the conference, and she had a HUGE smile on her face the whole time!  Jack's story was about a little girl who lived with just her mother, had no neighbor kids, and she was very lonely.  Eventually she got new neighbors that had a bunch of kids and this made the little girl happy, but she really wanted a sibling terribly bad.  The story ends by the little girl suggesting to her mom that they should get a sperm donor so she could have a brother or sister.  Ben, Jack's teacher, and I were all giggling.  Clearly, our kids are very accepting of any method people use to bear a child.  I feel like they are learning such valuable lessons at such a young age and can only hope that it will continue into adulthood.

Tomorrow is our 20 week ultrasound!  I can't imagine how giddy our IPs feel.  I'm really excited to see baby again and know that everything looks nice and healthy.  They do want to find out the gender of the baby, so I'll be sending a private message to my family after we learn, however I'm going to wait to post anything on here until I get the "go ahead" from our IPs.  I want them to be the ones to share their news with their family and friends and will wait a few days until I know the news has spread.  I can't take that joy of sharing their news away from them!  I'll eventually post photos and let you know if it's a boy or girl.  I still think it's a girl!                   



      

Quick Update

Baby is clearly growing!

I had an OB appointment last Friday and things are looking great!  Baby's heart rate is in the low 150's/high 140's.  The ultrasound and followup OB appointment are scheduled for November 8th and we'll get to learn the gender on the 9th.  I know my IP's are thrilled, but I think my family might be second excited to find out.  Ben and IP-A think it's a boy, and the rest of us are still thinking girl (have I mentioned that I've never ever been right with any of our kids? heheehe).  We'll just have to wait a couple more weeks.    

There isn't much more to update other than the baby movement is getting stronger each day.  She is very active when I lay down for bed.  George is obsessed with kissing my belly and saying, "Hi baby!"  I still can't eat sweets, but I'm able to eat a variety of foods that I wasn't able to for the first 16 weeks!  yay!!

I Feel A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

What is that?  13 weeks 2 days
-Photo by Lydia (9 years old)

The day after my last post was the last day I took a Zofran.  I finally feel like my normal pregnant self, and this is the reason I signed up to become a surrogate!  I love feeling so good.  I think I needed to get those drugs flushed out of my body, and it's great to feel so wonderful again.  I realize that being in the second trimester makes a world of difference, however I've never experienced a trimester like the first.  Physically and mentally I feel so different and good now that I'm off those drugs.  It makes me really sad for those people that go through a whole pregnancy and don't enjoy any of it.

This pregnancy is making me broaden my food horizon.  I realize that most of these posts I talk about food, but this has been one of the biggest issues during this pregnancy.  I'm still struggling with certain foods, especially sweets, but I can eat so much more now than I could in the first trimester.  My body must be in need of calcium because I can't get enough milk.  I have gone through 8 gallons of milk in just a little over a week.  Last week I started drinking orange juice.  Alfredo sauce has been a particularly new favorite of mine.  Ben in in heaven!  I have made homemade chicken alfredo pizza three times in the last two weeks.  I guess it's not only a hit for me and the baby but everyone in our family.  I keep asking for supper ideas from the kids and all they want is the pizza.  I made some chicken dumpling soup tonight.  I've never made this in my life, but for some reason it sounded appetizing.  Tomorrow will be the taste test.  Sometimes I make things that sound delicious and don't taste as good as they sound.  Jack, our 7 year old, recently told me that he doesn't really like that I'm a surrogate, ONLY because he's sad that I don't like sweets and he wishes I would take him out for ice cream more.  He's such a smart little guy!

The baby is growing and moving a lot more.  I'm 16 weeks and 2 days now.  I'll have to take a new belly photo and post it soon.  We have an OB appointment on Friday so I'll try to post soon after that appointment.  The ultrasound is scheduled for November 8th, but it sounds like there will be some type of surprise gender reveal that we'll have to wait to learn the baby's sex.  I thought maybe my IP's should leave the room after the ultrasound is over and the tech could tell and show me all the body parts so someone could show them what things are!  I guess I'll just be patient and wait until the big reveal!!!  There's a guessing game going on in our house.  Everyone except Ben thinks it's a girl.  My IP's have been referring to her as a girl for months now, so I think it'll be a big shock if it ends up being a boy.  Really, health is all that matters so we'll just hope for a healthy little one.      

Being a surrogate means that you need to have custom maternity clothing.  I bought three awesome shirts that I can't wait to wear, one of which says across the belly...I've got a little Canadian in me!  There will be no secret as to the location of this baby's conception.

Reasons to Celebrate

I can't suck in my belly anymore!
Maybe when I can eat then this baby belly will pop.

There are so many reasons we need to celebrate...

BIGGEST CELEBRATION NEWS- I've been eight days hormone-free and am feeling so much different and better!  Ma and Pa took us out for dinner at Granite City Brewery to celebrate this awesome occasion.  I think there are just a few people that are close to me who really understand how horrible I felt for the first trimester of this pregnancy.  Ben told me I wasn't allowed to even discuss being a surrogate again for a long time.  My poor family has to suffer through the food issues with me on a daily basis, and it's horrible.  It's something that I can't describe to anyone and you wouldn't understand unless you have been there anyway.  I still haven't really gained my apatite back and I dread going to the grocery store, but I'm NOT feeling like I'm going to throw up all day every day and that a relief!  There are a couple of new food items that I've been able to stomach, rice with coconut milk and curry, Alfredo sauce with gluten free noodles, and dairy products: cheese, cottage cheese, and milk.  I'm sure by the end of the week that Ben and the kids will be sick of these things.  
  
Because I'm feeling better, I am taking Zofran one to two times per day now instead of four time a day.  It seems like I need to take it right away in the morning and I'm fine for the rest of the day, usually.  I truly hope that I'll be done with it in just a couple days!  It has been my saving grace and I'm sure that I wouldn't have gotten out of bed without it.  Thank God for Zofran!  :)

I had one day that I was able to eat CHOCOLATE!  I went to the dreaded grocery store late last week and I thought that a chocolate turtle looked tasty, so I bought it and ate it.  I have to admit that it wasn't fantastic.  It was only tolerable, but I was really happy that I didn't spit it out like I had to two days ago.  Coming from a chocolate loving family, I feel really sad that I can't just enjoy a bite of chocolate every single day.  It has to change after the pregnancy, right?  It's almost as bad as not having ice cream for a whole trimester.  I hope that will be fixed soon too so IP-B and I can share in our love for ice cream again!  People should never say, "I wish I had that problem."  This is a bad problem and no one should suffer through the dislike of chocolate and ice cream!

My paths crossed with a leadership development coach and author last week.  IP-B and I have been talking about writing a book (everyone better be nice now because you may be a part of our story *wink* actually, I'm really serious) about our surrogacy journey for several months now.  I have tried to touch base with several authors but this was clearly meant to be.  I'm finished reading his book and listened to an audio program that he lent me.  I hope that he's the one that will help us write a book...well, once we have an ending to the amazing story!

Yesterday our agency, IARC, put on a surrogacy social.  It was an event for our entire family, and our kids were so excited to meet other kids that understand what it's like to have their mom be a surrogate.  It was so cute to listen to these kids talk about the babies that are/were in their mom's tummy, and the kids telling us the best way to describe surrogacy to a kid...which is from a book-  The Kangaroo Pouch.  I enjoyed listening to the stories of the other women who have gone through so many different experiences.  Our journey has been a breeze compared to 99.9% of these other ladies.  I can't believe how many unsuccessful transfer stories I heard, and then couples or surrogates would decided to part ways after failed attempts.  UGH!  I feel like my relationship with my IP's will be a lifelong friendship!  I guess when you go through a heartache it must be different.  Ben and I left feeling overwhelmingly grateful for what we have and how smooth things are going!

Unrelated to surrogacy and because this is the celebration entry... CONGRATULATIONS to IP-B's sister who was married this weekend!  I was able to see a couple photos of the wedding and you make one beautiful bride.  I wish you many many years of happiness and joy!