It's a...



This baby will always have a special place in my heart!  I know he'll grow up and do great things.

Yesterday was the big 20 week ultrasound.  Of course my IPs were both able to attend this amazing event.  Just as I hopped in my car the baby started moving like crazy.  I seriously talked out loud to it, telling it that it had to keep moving so it's parents could feel it kicking when I got to the clinic.  After a quick hug to greet my IPs, I laid in the back seat of their vehicle and both of them were able to feel their baby move for the first time!  That was a pretty magical!  I think all three of us were beaming from ear to ear.

The plan for the ultrasound was that none of us would find out the gender of the baby and the next day (today) would be a family reveal party to learn the gender.  They asked the ultrasound tech if she would be able to e-mail or call the bakery to let them know if it was a boy or girl.  Apparently those of us in the medical field would think that HIPPA would allow this to happen, and of course we were wrong.  IP-A and IP-B both decided that I could find out the gender and call the bakery after the appointment.  Before finding out the gender, I told them that my gut feeling was a girl and that I'll continue to call it a she and at the reveal party I'd vote girl, wear a "GIRL" sticker, and not tell a soul no matter what.  That was not an easy task.  It was pretty obvious when the tech got to the right area that it was CLEARLY a boy!  I winked at the tech and kept my word.  I didn't tell anyone! 



It's a BOY!

We were given two CDs with photos of the ultrasound and she included the gender picture, so IP-B decided that I should take their CD with me and bring it to them today so that IP-A wouldn't cheat.  I started getting texts this morning begging me to tell IP-A, but I played along and couldn't ruin the surprise! 

Ben, the kids, and I were we were lucky enough to bring the guest of honor to the gender reveal party that my IPs had with both their families.  It shouldn't have come as a surprise to me that I would be greeted with overwhelming love and gratitude.  I wasn't expecting to hear every single person say "Thank you!"  I've never thought of the impact this child would have outside of my IPs.  To be able to hug the grandparents, aunts, and uncles of this baby gave me a whole new perspective on being a surrogate, much like discovering the the amazing impact it's having on our children and community.  I can't believe that I never thought in depth about how my IPs families must feel.  It was a room filled with so much love for the baby in my womb.  And this is one lucky baby!  I always say how fortunate I feel to be matched with such an amazing couple, but now I feel even more lucky to be matched with these amazing families!  They are truly awesome people.      

As each person came into the party they were to pick a gender and wear a sticker with their guess.  One uncle came in and asked what I thought it was and pulled a Ben, he picked the opposite because he remembered that I've never been right with guessing any of our kids genders.  After we had a lovely pizza lunch it was time for a fun game of "What do the Old Wives Tales tell us about the gender?"  I answered a bunch of old wives tale questions and came to the conclusion that we were split right down the middle on if it's a boy or girl. 

My IPs cut into the cake right after the game.  The cake was to have blueberry filling for a boy or raspberry filling for a girl.  The fruit layer was so thin that it was really difficult to tell if it was raspberry or blueberry.  I let them look hard and waited to see if they could figure it out, I heard them say "I think it's a girl"...then they looked at me and I had to tell them that IT'S A BOY!  They tasted the fruit filling and it was blueberry!  Sometimes things happen for reasons, and it was a good thing that I secretly knew the gender.  Everyone seems to be really excited about this new baby boy  :)      



The Cake

Blueberry Filling = Boy

Things You Didn't Know

Surrogacy has so many hidden aspects that many people don't think about or simply never knew.  I received a thick envelope from IARC, our agency, a couple weeks ago, and it was filled with more paperwork and a ton of questions for me to fill out for our court hearing after the baby is born. Most of you aren't aware that in the state of Minnesota, I actually have to give up my "parental rights" over the baby and a formal adoption will happen shortly after the birth.  You've gathered it, I end up on the birth certificate for a short time after the birth and have "rights" over a child that doesn't even have an ounce of genetic attachment to me.  This seems silly to me, but we do have to do a bunch of legal paperwork and then go in front of a judge to have everything finalized.  I'm kind of bummed that we need to do this in the cities instead of St. Cloud, because my mom, who's a court reporter, would have asked to be with our judge for the day and she could have recorded the whole court hearing. 

Ben and I recently meet with an attorney to have our wills done.  This is another piece of surrogacy that needs to be completed.  If something were to happen to me during the pregnancy, we've made sure that it's written to keep my body alive and to let the baby grow to full term.  These are very morbid conversations to have but we've known about this since contract time.  It's just something that most people wouldn't think would be a part of this process. 

I can finally feel the baby from the outside!  This is very exciting news because I get to see my IPs tomorrow and hopefully they'll be able to feel their baby kick!!!!!  Our 5 year old son, George, was the first to feel the movement last weekend.  He's not one to sit still very long, however he laid next to me and giggled every time he felt movement for at least 30 minutes.  I had one night where I actually felt a very hard body part slide across my hand.  It's such a neat feeling and this is totally the reason I love being a surrogate, so far!  I'm sure that the actual birth and watching my IPs in the delivery room will be the very best part!!!

I need to brag on our kids for a moment.  Lydia, our 9 year old, and I were having a conversation last week about different things that people do to help others out in this world.  We were specifically discussing Red Cross, volunteer work, and natural disaster clean up.  Lydia told me that helping clean up after a natural disaster is something that she really wouldn't ever be interested in doing, and I agree with her, I don't think it's something that I really would feel like I'm "called" to do either.  So we went on discussing other ways we could help people out and really enjoy it.  Lydia didn't hesitate when she said that our family is doing something great for someone, and she told me that she thinks when she is older that she might be a surrogate herself.  She has such a big heart and loves what our family is doing for our IPs! 

Jack, our 7 year old, is a very deep thinker.  He loves to go above and beyond what he needs to do in school and gets really excited to excel at everything he tries.  We recently had parent teacher conferences and one of his assignments at school was to answer a bunch of questions from a story, of his choice, that he had to read.  He asked if he could write a story and then answer the questions, and of course any teacher would say, yes.  He spent three days writing his story, and his teacher said he worked very very hard on it.  She wanted us to read his story right there in front of her during the conference, and she had a HUGE smile on her face the whole time!  Jack's story was about a little girl who lived with just her mother, had no neighbor kids, and she was very lonely.  Eventually she got new neighbors that had a bunch of kids and this made the little girl happy, but she really wanted a sibling terribly bad.  The story ends by the little girl suggesting to her mom that they should get a sperm donor so she could have a brother or sister.  Ben, Jack's teacher, and I were all giggling.  Clearly, our kids are very accepting of any method people use to bear a child.  I feel like they are learning such valuable lessons at such a young age and can only hope that it will continue into adulthood.

Tomorrow is our 20 week ultrasound!  I can't imagine how giddy our IPs feel.  I'm really excited to see baby again and know that everything looks nice and healthy.  They do want to find out the gender of the baby, so I'll be sending a private message to my family after we learn, however I'm going to wait to post anything on here until I get the "go ahead" from our IPs.  I want them to be the ones to share their news with their family and friends and will wait a few days until I know the news has spread.  I can't take that joy of sharing their news away from them!  I'll eventually post photos and let you know if it's a boy or girl.  I still think it's a girl!                   



      

Quick Update

Baby is clearly growing!

I had an OB appointment last Friday and things are looking great!  Baby's heart rate is in the low 150's/high 140's.  The ultrasound and followup OB appointment are scheduled for November 8th and we'll get to learn the gender on the 9th.  I know my IP's are thrilled, but I think my family might be second excited to find out.  Ben and IP-A think it's a boy, and the rest of us are still thinking girl (have I mentioned that I've never ever been right with any of our kids? heheehe).  We'll just have to wait a couple more weeks.    

There isn't much more to update other than the baby movement is getting stronger each day.  She is very active when I lay down for bed.  George is obsessed with kissing my belly and saying, "Hi baby!"  I still can't eat sweets, but I'm able to eat a variety of foods that I wasn't able to for the first 16 weeks!  yay!!

I Feel A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

What is that?  13 weeks 2 days
-Photo by Lydia (9 years old)

The day after my last post was the last day I took a Zofran.  I finally feel like my normal pregnant self, and this is the reason I signed up to become a surrogate!  I love feeling so good.  I think I needed to get those drugs flushed out of my body, and it's great to feel so wonderful again.  I realize that being in the second trimester makes a world of difference, however I've never experienced a trimester like the first.  Physically and mentally I feel so different and good now that I'm off those drugs.  It makes me really sad for those people that go through a whole pregnancy and don't enjoy any of it.

This pregnancy is making me broaden my food horizon.  I realize that most of these posts I talk about food, but this has been one of the biggest issues during this pregnancy.  I'm still struggling with certain foods, especially sweets, but I can eat so much more now than I could in the first trimester.  My body must be in need of calcium because I can't get enough milk.  I have gone through 8 gallons of milk in just a little over a week.  Last week I started drinking orange juice.  Alfredo sauce has been a particularly new favorite of mine.  Ben in in heaven!  I have made homemade chicken alfredo pizza three times in the last two weeks.  I guess it's not only a hit for me and the baby but everyone in our family.  I keep asking for supper ideas from the kids and all they want is the pizza.  I made some chicken dumpling soup tonight.  I've never made this in my life, but for some reason it sounded appetizing.  Tomorrow will be the taste test.  Sometimes I make things that sound delicious and don't taste as good as they sound.  Jack, our 7 year old, recently told me that he doesn't really like that I'm a surrogate, ONLY because he's sad that I don't like sweets and he wishes I would take him out for ice cream more.  He's such a smart little guy!

The baby is growing and moving a lot more.  I'm 16 weeks and 2 days now.  I'll have to take a new belly photo and post it soon.  We have an OB appointment on Friday so I'll try to post soon after that appointment.  The ultrasound is scheduled for November 8th, but it sounds like there will be some type of surprise gender reveal that we'll have to wait to learn the baby's sex.  I thought maybe my IP's should leave the room after the ultrasound is over and the tech could tell and show me all the body parts so someone could show them what things are!  I guess I'll just be patient and wait until the big reveal!!!  There's a guessing game going on in our house.  Everyone except Ben thinks it's a girl.  My IP's have been referring to her as a girl for months now, so I think it'll be a big shock if it ends up being a boy.  Really, health is all that matters so we'll just hope for a healthy little one.      

Being a surrogate means that you need to have custom maternity clothing.  I bought three awesome shirts that I can't wait to wear, one of which says across the belly...I've got a little Canadian in me!  There will be no secret as to the location of this baby's conception.

Reasons to Celebrate

I can't suck in my belly anymore!
Maybe when I can eat then this baby belly will pop.

There are so many reasons we need to celebrate...

BIGGEST CELEBRATION NEWS- I've been eight days hormone-free and am feeling so much different and better!  Ma and Pa took us out for dinner at Granite City Brewery to celebrate this awesome occasion.  I think there are just a few people that are close to me who really understand how horrible I felt for the first trimester of this pregnancy.  Ben told me I wasn't allowed to even discuss being a surrogate again for a long time.  My poor family has to suffer through the food issues with me on a daily basis, and it's horrible.  It's something that I can't describe to anyone and you wouldn't understand unless you have been there anyway.  I still haven't really gained my apatite back and I dread going to the grocery store, but I'm NOT feeling like I'm going to throw up all day every day and that a relief!  There are a couple of new food items that I've been able to stomach, rice with coconut milk and curry, Alfredo sauce with gluten free noodles, and dairy products: cheese, cottage cheese, and milk.  I'm sure by the end of the week that Ben and the kids will be sick of these things.  
  
Because I'm feeling better, I am taking Zofran one to two times per day now instead of four time a day.  It seems like I need to take it right away in the morning and I'm fine for the rest of the day, usually.  I truly hope that I'll be done with it in just a couple days!  It has been my saving grace and I'm sure that I wouldn't have gotten out of bed without it.  Thank God for Zofran!  :)

I had one day that I was able to eat CHOCOLATE!  I went to the dreaded grocery store late last week and I thought that a chocolate turtle looked tasty, so I bought it and ate it.  I have to admit that it wasn't fantastic.  It was only tolerable, but I was really happy that I didn't spit it out like I had to two days ago.  Coming from a chocolate loving family, I feel really sad that I can't just enjoy a bite of chocolate every single day.  It has to change after the pregnancy, right?  It's almost as bad as not having ice cream for a whole trimester.  I hope that will be fixed soon too so IP-B and I can share in our love for ice cream again!  People should never say, "I wish I had that problem."  This is a bad problem and no one should suffer through the dislike of chocolate and ice cream!

My paths crossed with a leadership development coach and author last week.  IP-B and I have been talking about writing a book (everyone better be nice now because you may be a part of our story *wink* actually, I'm really serious) about our surrogacy journey for several months now.  I have tried to touch base with several authors but this was clearly meant to be.  I'm finished reading his book and listened to an audio program that he lent me.  I hope that he's the one that will help us write a book...well, once we have an ending to the amazing story!

Yesterday our agency, IARC, put on a surrogacy social.  It was an event for our entire family, and our kids were so excited to meet other kids that understand what it's like to have their mom be a surrogate.  It was so cute to listen to these kids talk about the babies that are/were in their mom's tummy, and the kids telling us the best way to describe surrogacy to a kid...which is from a book-  The Kangaroo Pouch.  I enjoyed listening to the stories of the other women who have gone through so many different experiences.  Our journey has been a breeze compared to 99.9% of these other ladies.  I can't believe how many unsuccessful transfer stories I heard, and then couples or surrogates would decided to part ways after failed attempts.  UGH!  I feel like my relationship with my IP's will be a lifelong friendship!  I guess when you go through a heartache it must be different.  Ben and I left feeling overwhelmingly grateful for what we have and how smooth things are going!

Unrelated to surrogacy and because this is the celebration entry... CONGRATULATIONS to IP-B's sister who was married this weekend!  I was able to see a couple photos of the wedding and you make one beautiful bride.  I wish you many many years of happiness and joy!  

It's Alive...We Heard The Heart Beating!

Yesterday we had our first "official" OB appointment.  IP-B has a new job and was unable to attend the appointment, however IP-A was able to make it!  We met with an RN, Joan, to begin the appointment.  She was so nice and full of great information.  We went through my pregnancy and medical history.  Some questions were directed toward me while others were directed toward IP-A.  I did the typical urine sample and initial blood work (everyone on this green earth will know that I don't have HIV or an STD, because I've been tested more times in the last year than most of you have ever been in your life).  The nurse was so accepting and nice when dealing with our unique pregnancy.  I honestly think we're given more time than the average Joe, or Josie, because people are so fascinated by us.  I'm the first surrogate that our doctor has seen, so this little nugget will be the first surro baby delivered by her!  It's kind of cool. 

Our OB is just the nicest there is.  She had just gotten back from the hospital after delivering a baby and we could tell she was still a little giddy.  It makes me really excited to know that she still clearly loves what she does.  She asked us if we had any questions and told us what our appointment for the day would look like.  We started by listening to the baby's heartbeat.  It took a little while to locate the baby, but finally we heard the 166bpm.  IP-A videotaped this part of the appointment so IP-B would be able to hear the little heartbeat for the first time.  I still vote it's a girl!  The smile that IP-A had definitely lit up the room.  Moments like that make this whole journey worthwhile!   

I finished up the appointment alone with the doctor.  She had to do the annual physical, etc.  I think she also wanted a little time alone with just me to see how I was doing.  It really makes me feel like she is extra thoughtful to know that she had prepared the appointment to spend time with just the two of us.  I tell my IP's everything, but I appreciate the fact that she felt the need to make sure I was doing ok. I was able to explain that I do have a bond with the baby, but it's sooooooooooooooo very different than the bond I had with our babies. I think I can liken it to the bond I have with my nieces when they were in utero.  It's a connection and love but different than our kids.  It must be the feeling that a typical surrogate has.

IP-A and I had lunch at Noodles and Company following the appointment.  It's my new pregnancy obsession.  When I say obsession, I mean I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT!  The Pad Thai noodle bowl is gluten free and has been in my stomach for the last three days in a row.  I'm still struggling with food issues, so it's nice to have something that I can eat and enjoy.  I honestly can't stop thinking about eating it.  I still can't eat anything sweet.  The smell of bubblegum was pleasant the other day, so I bought myself some chewing bubblegum this morning.  I didn't get more than three chew in and I spit it out.  It was waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy too sweet for me.  The only other thing that sounds appetizing is seafood.  I'm not a fish eater at all, but I really want seafood.  I learned that I'm allowed one serving a week, so I think I'll be adding that to my weekly intake. 

The heightened sense of smell is getting the best of me.  Our kitchen is torn apart, we had some water leakage while we were in Canada and we couldn't get rid of the stink.  Sometimes I would walk into the house and head straight for the toilet to barf because the smell was pretty bad.  Ben tore up the floor and when he pulled out the dishwasher he discovered the stink.  The smell was/is so rancid.  After he opened the cabinet next to the dishwasher up, I held the barf in until we made it out of Menard's and I had dry heaves in the parking lot.  There was a car full of spectators watching.  Oops.  We had an insurance adjuster come out today, so we'll see where that leads us.  Ben is so amazing and has completed the demo work and is installing new flooring as I type.  The smell is much better but not gone.  The other smell that has made me gag and almost loose my stomach is fast food restaurants.  They are everywhere and they stink up the whole freaking town.  If you see me driving my mini van with my shirt over my nose, please wave!  It's a stinky situation. 

I'm winding down my medications!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I gave myself my last HcG injection tonight and I have two final days left of the rest.  I think by this time next week I'll feel like my normal pregnant self.

There is something inside me that keeps moving.  It's fun to feel the little bubbles everyday.  One night I thought she was using my uterine wall as a trampoline and just jumped for a solid five minutes.  I love feeling the movement.  I can't wait until it's really strong and my IP's can feel it.  Lydia might be almost as excited as my IP's are.  When I giggle and tell her that I feel the baby moving, she jumps up and tries to feel it.  She tells everyone that her mom is pregnant and how excited she is that we're helping a couple have a baby.  I think our kids are going to gain more out of this experience than I had originally thought.

Our next OB appointment is scheduled in six weeks!                    

Not So Hot Right Now

Lydia took this to show my IP's what I look like after puking my guts out.

I haven't been feeling the greatest during these last couple months.  We're a little over 10 weeks now and I have less than two weeks of medications that I have to take.  I think once I'm off the meds I'll feel better.  A couple weeks ago I was feeling so miserable that I called the OB to see if there was anything else I could do to help with the nausea and help me eat more.  She suggested that I take Zofran every four hours instead of every eight.  That made a HUGE difference in my life!  The only problem is...



May Cause Constipation? The warning should read:
WILL CAUSE CONSTIPATION

I haven't taken a dump in weeks.  There isn't one person who I've talked to about Zofran who hasn't gone through severe constipation.  It's way better than being nauseous all day long, so I'll take it.  I labored some poo this weekend during a 30 minute car ride home, only to proudly push out four little rabbit turds.  I'm on a stool softener to help ease the pain, clearly it's not really helping that much.  I'm confident that I'll be off the Zofran within the next few weeks and will have a happy and clean bowel soon after. 
 
As of today, I've lost 13lbs since the transfer.  I even threw up again from some stupid person leaving a cigarette butt still lit in the ash tray.  Why do people think that's acceptable?  I'm still only able to eat really bland food like homemade mac n cheese, soup, plain rice checks cereal, fake Velveeta cheese, fake cheese in a can on plain crackers, and my favorite is boxed mashed potatoes from Bonanza with their fake cheese on top. This weekend I pounded a bag of Funyuns.  I'm pretty sure I haven't consumed most of these foods since high school.  They sound so gross and taste so good.  The smell of wine is delicious.  I'm one of those crazy people who, on a normal basis, thinks coffee smells as bad as cigarette smoke, but this pregnancy has totally changed my mind.  I almost want to try a cup of decaf just to see if it'll taste as good as it smells.

My IP's came up for a visit a week ago.  We were able to take our first "Blow up the Belly" photo that we'll continue to document throughout the pregnancy.  Ben was our photographer and we had a bunch of people on a nearby balcony who were probably completely confused as to what we were doing.  After our photo we were able to hang out by the beach and chat the afternoon away.  It's such a comfortable relationship that we all have.  The time just flies when we're together.  We ended at Bonanza to fulfill my craving for those mashed potatoes and cheese sauce. 

I've been keeping track of people's reactions to the news when they find out I'm a surrogate.  The most common response is in the form of a question, "Is it for someone you know?"  I don't have a solid answer that I give when I hear this question.  We've become AMAZING friends, so I instantly want to say...Yes!  Sometimes I do say yes and sometimes I tell people how we met through an agency.  I've had arms swing around me with a giant hug, from people I don't know, and they tell me the nicest things.  One lady asked me a million questions and just cried, happy tears, through our whole conversation.  Our community is becoming aware of our gift and I have people in the grocery store asking me how I'm feeling.  We are blessed beyond belief from the support that is being poured out to our family!  I love that other people are as proud of us as we are for what we're doing.  We thank each and every one of you for your love and support!  This gift doesn't come easy and most people wouldn't be able to go through a journey like we are.  I'm so happy I'm one of the lucky people that was given this as a true desire in my heart.  Without a doubt and as sick as I am, this is something that I was put on this earth to do. 

I got a phone call from my IP's this weekend.  They heard from a friend that her dad had a Josie working at his dental office who is a surrogate.  She said that there can't be that many Josie's in the St. Cloud area that are surrogates, and she was wondering if I was the one who worked for her dad.  I guess it shows how small this big world is.  I'm actually going to be at her dad's office tomorrow.  I hope you're following this blog and maybe sometime we'll get to meet in person. 

There is a definite bonding that's happening with the baby and me.  I love her so much already, however, it's so very very different than the bond I had with our kids.  I don't really know how to explain it, but people often think that "giving up the baby" will be the hardest part of this journey.  I don't see it as "giving up" anyone, it's not mine to begin with.  There must be some great subconscious work going on because I'm not worried about that at all.  This little person will always hold a special place in my heart! 

This weekend I started feeling little bubbles.  Most people would say it's probably gas, but I think it's movement that I'm starting to feel.  Each day I'm feeling a little movement, just a couple times each day.  I think that it'll be awesome when there is movement that my IP's can actually see and feel!

We have our first official OB appointment on September 10th.  We'll meet with the nurse first and then see the OB afterwards.  I hope we'll get to hear the heartbeat!